Quarter life crisis

I recently turnt 25 (f) and despite not having the best mental health before this milestone, it is not feeling any better now. I feel very alone and have realised i don’t want to work in the field I have an undergraduate and postgraduate degree in. I am a foreigner in a European country. I had a rough childhood (lots of the “small t” traumas and some bigger t) and worked really hard to get out of my area and go to a good university. It seemed I was on autopilot trying to get some sort of foundation under me. Now I have a semi stable job and can finally rest for the first time, I feel like I am well and truly alone. I will go back to counselling once I see my GP this week.

Being a foreigner that isn’t a native of the language spoken here, it has been difficult for me to make deep connections with people who will stay here. The friends I had in my home country have mostly drifted despite real effort to keep them. I have a partner here who is a local with many friends and so much passion for what he does and his hobby’s . I feel jealous of him now (along with happy for him). I gave up a lot to study and distract myself from my home situation. It worked and gave me some positives but I just feel I have no energy to go on.

I think often about retraining and I feel like I mentally can’t. Another degree after quite a demanding two. I think often about ending it, I have possibilities but know I can’t do it. I sometimes think I’m too chicken to do it. I just feel like I’m broken anyways and that even in this time where I could be happy and have reason to be when I’m alone I just feel sad. I had to get this out. Maybe there is someone out there who can relate to where I am.