How to fix my relationship with sisters?

For some input I (18f) am the youngest of our family of 7. My father is out of the picture as he was kicked out of our home after putting us through years of physical and mental abuse, so it's safe to say my family has a lot of trauma we never talk about. We've also been extremely poor for a lot of our life, having to move from house to house so we've struggled a lot and only now have we've been able to live comfortably. The only reason as to why we have a proper roof over our heads is because of my mom, brother (27?) and the oldest sibling out of all of us aka my sister (31).

Now I understand that my sister unfortunately has had to put a lot of her life aside for us, from not going to college to having to work dead end jobs for us. She also had to help raise us alongside of my mother, since my father was a no good heroin user. Because of all this I consider my big sister my second mother, and I love her to death.

I am also extremely close to my other sister sister (24) who I will call sister B. Me and both of my sisters have been glued together since forever now, and they are like my best friends. Unfortunately that all began changing when I went into my junior year of highschool, when I began dating my ex boyfriend. Now I've always had trouble with my mental health, I have considered ending my life before, and I have self harmed in the past and a lot of this came from witnessing my mom getting brutalized by my dad, and getting molested by someone. So my mental health got even worse when my Ex began treating me like crap, and because of that I started to act not like myself.

My sisters noticed this, and we all started arguing frequently. They didn't like the behavior I was exhibiting, and me being a stupid teenager I began "venting" to my ex and I said horrible stuff about them, saying they had no life, they were basically good for nothings, and that they mean to me. They ended up finding out because sister B began reading my messages with him through my tablet after a big fight we had. I never apologized properly until I finally broke up with him, and I gained some senses. I felt horrible because of what I had done, and even now I don't know if I can ever be forgiven.

Now me and my sisters are better, and I love spending time with them. But earlier this year they started dating their boyfriends and I was of course jealous (I still am) but I understand they are grown women and they deserve to find their love too. After a bit I started arguing with them because I felt like they were picking their boyfriends over our relationship, we all had stopped watching movies together, we all stopped playing roblox together, and they always text with their boyfriends or they just played their favorite game. After that whole ordeal, I tried accepting that stuff happened but I kept getting bothered because they were doing the exact same things that they had previously gotten upset with me when I was dating my ex. My oldest sister is always on her phone even when we are out at dinner or watching a movie or show, and sister B is always pent up in our room calling her boyfriend. Sister B's boyfriend also treats her like garbage at times, and is just genuinely not a good guy. I can hear their arguments since we share the same room, and they are always arguing.

Since I just graduated and I am currently jobless while taking a gap year (I will get my life together I hope) I am once again struggling with things. I have one friend and she lives far far away so I'm stuck in my home all of the time. I am constantly trying to get me and my sisters to do things, and sometimes I break down and cry because I feel like everything is falling apart. The other day I finally spoke up to my big sister about my fear of men, and a bit of my experience of getting SA'd and all she said was "Damn our whole family needs therapy ;-;" I have also been telling her how I feel very useless and sad and she just tells me it will all change. I also wanted to mention that I know for a fact that sister B tells her boyfriend bad things about me as her boyfriend has called me a bitch as he didnt know I could hear him.

I've told my sisters before that I just want the best for them, and I especially told my oldest sister that if she wanted to go out and leave us to go explore the world and enjoy her life, I would be her biggest supporter. I've also let them talk to me about their problems and I always try my best to give them honest answers. But today me, my sisters, and my mother have argued about them and their relationships, and now I dont know what to do. Sister B said why should she be nice to me if I said horrible stuff about them, and I have hit her before (only playfully might I add) and my oldest sister said she doesn't want to play therapist.

I don't know what to do anymore, they are basically all I have left. I have tried to better myself, and understand their point of view. I am trying to push aside my feelings of jealousness and selfishness, I have tried to get to know their boyfriends despite my awkwardness and social anxiety. I don't want to fight with them, I just want things to be normal again but I know after this fight they are both going to not be on speaking terms with me and I know they will only be speaking to each other. I don't have any friends, my brothers are mean to me and on rare occasions are kind and generous. I don't even speak at all to my older brother and we live in the same house. The day where my sisters both leave are creeping up on me. Its not that I don't want them to be happy, I just wish that my big sister found her liberty not by a man but by loving herself and I wish sister B could have found a man who respected her.

What do I do? And how do I fix this?

(PS sorry if I spelled some things wrong and for the bad grammar, I have trouble reading and spelling)