How Do You Live With Being Forgiven When You Don’t Deserve It?

How Do You Live With Being Forgiven When You Don’t Deserve It?

I (19M) cheated on my perfect girlfriend (23F). She was always there for me; helped me when no one else was, looked after me as if we were already married, you name it she did for me without thinking for herself. She was, in every sense, perfect. On that night, trauma from my childhood resurfaced, one thing led to another (can't give details why) and I cheated...with her best friend in my gf's apartment (My girlfriend was gone for a week due to work).

I know I don’t deserve her. I felt like shit afterward. When her friend pushed for more, I confessed everything to my girlfriend.

And yet, she forgave me. I.... just....I just don’t know how to process that, because I know I don’t deserve her. She’s so deeply, blindly in love with me that she broke off her friendship and convinced both herself and her friend that it was their fault: not mine.But I know the truth. "Cheating is a decision, not a mistake", This was my fault.

Now I’m left wondering how I’m supposed to live off with her decision??

I won’t break up with her, she’s emotionally tied to this relationship in a way that scares me, and I don’t know what she might do to get me back. And yes, I still love her even more greatly than to any of my previous gf ot anyone in my life tbh.

But love doesn’t erase guilt. And forgiveness doesn’t undo damage. Now, I only wanna live for her, do whatever I can for her, I don't care what I do to myself, I just wanna make her as happy as someone so perfect yet so merciful deserve.