Never had a cellphone, still don't at 18.

Does anyone else not have a phone, still? I was homeschooled yk the whole 9 yards. I’m 18f and I don’t have a phone. I’m typing this off my iPad Generation 10, which is the only device I’ve been using for the past two years. I’m hoping to start working retail soon because that’s the only way I can get one and make the money to buy it myself. My mom specifically told me she won’t buy me a phone and that I have to work for one after I asked her. It’s so embarrassing. Every day it feels like another weight on my shoulders because this is how people communicate and stay connected. I feel so embarrassed that all I have is an iPad.

I think about all the things I could be doing right now if I had a phone, like making TikToks, befriending people in public or online properly, because I know eventually people will ask “what’s your number?” or “can I get your number?” I could easily give people my social media too in case they don’t have a specific app I already use. I could just download whatever app they have instead of being stuck, like Messenger, Facebook, or WhatsApp. But I can’t do any of that because an iPad is designed primarily as a tablet. If I had an iPhone, my phone number would be linked to my iPad through iCloud, so even if I didn’t have my phone on me, I could still receive calls and messages on my iPad. Instead, I can only receive texts, and the only people who text me are my mom, my sister, and my brother. It feels tragic.

Five days ago, a girl tried to befriend me on TikTok. She sent me a voice message introducing herself, and at first I didn’t think much of it because why would someone want to talk to me of all people? Then she sent another voice message saying we were “besties” now and sounded so eager and enthusiastic to have a new girl friend. I knew it was over when she dropped her Instagram. I had to make an excuse and say I don’t have Instagram. The truth is I don’t have followers, and she would have assumed I don’t have friends. People use Instagram as social proof, and I don’t have that. She would’ve seen that I don’t post pictures of myself, that I don’t interact with anyone, and that no one interacts with me. She would’ve concluded that I’m not popular or visible.

She didn’t give up though. She typed out her phone number and told me to call her. The reminder that I don’t have a phone hit me all at once. I pretended I was busy and dreaded replying. She sent her number again and messaged me on TikTok saying “don’t be scared.” It was humiliating. I think she knew I didn’t want to call. I tried to keep small talk through texting, but it was pointless because she even said herself that she’s not into texting. She left me on seen for three days and I don’t blame her. She’s been posting on her TikTok story during that time too and still is as I type this. So she's basically ignoring me and she posted on her TikTok earlier. I’m not upset at her, just frustrated with the fact that I don’t have an iPhone or a real phone number to communicate properly. I also tried calling her once using a TextFree number and it didn’t work. It went straight to voicemail.

Another incident was when I went on a cruise last month. I stopped myself from making friends because I knew it would be pointless once they realized I don’t have a phone or phone number. I saw girls my age looking at me, and they seemed curious, but it felt pointless. They could probably tell I was alone, closed off, phone-less, and disconnected. Every time I saw them, they were on their iPhones, laughing, being themselves. I could’ve easily talked to them, but eventually we would’ve had to exchange contact info like phone numbers or social media. I knew they would ask for my number, and I would’ve had to explain that I don’t have one. I saved myself the embarrassment and stress.

There are other smaller situations too, like having mutuals on TikTok but not being able to interact beyond liking their videos. If I engage further, they’ll eventually ask for my Instagram or number. There’s one girl who views my TikTok page every day. She probably wants to see if I’ll post or maybe even befriend me. But what’s the point if I don’t have a real way to communicate outside of social media? I saw a post she made where she shared a screenshot of an iMessage conversation with her friend, and that just reminded me that people communicate through phone numbers and FaceTime too.

So I make myself invisible. I downplay situations where people try to befriend me or ask for my social media because I don’t have a phone or phone number. I even tried creating contacts on my iPad, but it won’t let me because I don’t have a phone number linked. The iPad knows what it was built for. It’s meant to be a companion to an iPhone. Without a phone number, it can’t fully function. I can’t even properly create contacts without a phone number. If I had an iPhone, my number would be linked and I could still do these things even without the phone physically on me. Not having that feels like a slap in the face, a constant reminder that I can’t do simple things.

I applied to a retail store recently and filled out the application online and they asked for my phone number. I had to put my mom’s number instead. Same thing with verification codes. I can’t receive them unless the site allows fake numbers, so I rely on TextFree sometimes. Using a TextFree number feels pointless. It only makes me more insecure because it reminds me that it’s not real. Messages aren’t blue or green. You can’t send GIFs, reactions, money, videos, or even call 911. If I give someone a fake number, it’s easy to clock. It’s humiliating. I can’t just take random pictures or videos or live normally.

I don’t hate my iPad. I hate that I don’t have a phone, something that’s supposed to travel with you everywhere. Instead, I go everywhere without one. I’m 18 and don’t have a phone. I can't make friends/acquaintances etc properly because of the lack of a phone. Has anyone else gone through something similar, not having a phone as an adult or maybe they still don't? All I had growing up was computers or old Android tablets. Feels isolating every day.