Life sucks right now

It's gotten so bad that I'm actually considering ending it. I'm not gonna do it, but I've been thinking about it more and more often.

I'm constantly exhausted, I can't function as a person, I struggle with work, I struggle with interacting with people to the point I don't leave my house, I'm pretty sure I'm autistic and have ADHD, but getting diagnosed is basically impossible for me rn. My body is not working right, I got random pains and whatnot, my teeth are literally breaking cuz I can't brush them. I either don't have the energy, forgot, or something else.

On top of that, I was supposed to move like 4 hours away, with my partner. My SO is already there cuz they live there, they have a job and money, all that shit. The original plan was for us and one more person to move in June, but the other person canceled so the plan fell through. Then, I got a summer job, the plan was to move when I finished the job. But my dad low-key bullied me into starting driving school, so I couldn't go mid September like I planned. So the plan changed again, move when done with driving school. That was like 3 weeks ago, early December.

Meanwhile, I've been looking for apartments in the city I plan to move to, my SO didn't really look cuz they're busy and apartment hunting is stressful (yeah, no shit, especially when doing it alone), the long distance has been tough, I've considered breaking up with them multiple times but I just can't do it. I want to move, I can't do it on my own, and maybe if we move in together it'd be better...

The worst thing is there's basically no apparents that are pet friendly, I have a cat and I refuse to leave her behind. I've had her since she was a kitten. I somehow managed to found one, my partner was supposed to call because, like I said, I suck at interacting with people. They forgot. Within 2 days it was gone. Now I found a new one and they still didn't call. I'm surprised the listing is still up after 3 days. I would call, but anxiety is kicking me in the ribs and I genuinely don't know what to say/ask/do.

My dad is also pressuring me about finding a job, but I see no point because I'm gonna move. Idk when, but it's gonna happen eventually (hopefully). He and my mom also separated this year and he's very sad about it, so that's very shitty. He's been pestering me about working out because he started working out (probably to cope with my mom not being there anymore), and I just can't because I don't even have the energy to exist.

And he's been thinking about redoing our house because it's a fucking mess. The walls are full of drawings and scribbles from when me and my brother were little (we're literally in our early 20s now), a good chunk of our furniture is shit, some of it is older than I am. That's causing me stress because money is tight, he's thinking about raising a credit in the bank or however you say it in English, it's not my native language.

Now, on a totally unrelated, but still stressful note, I'm a transgender guy. I can't stand seeing myself in the mirror, my family doesn't support me, I can't get access to gender affirming care other than having short hair and guy clothes. It fucking sucks. I have no real support other than my partner and a friend I talk to once every few weeks.

Relating to that, I have no fucking friends. I had one best friend, we've been friends since we were 3, but she doesn't make time for me. She keeps forgetting about me. I feel so unimportant and replaceable.

I have no one to talk to, my partner is also always busy, working, sleeping, hanging out with friends. Oh, they're also poly (nothing wrong with that, I'm not), so they currently have a crush on 2 other people and I'm jealous. I don't know how to tell them. I also don't want to break up with them because then I'll be 100% alone.

Life sucks. I want to die. I'll try to tough it out till it gets better, but so far it's only getting worse. If anyone actually read all this, you didn't need to. I'm just screaming into the void right now. Thank you. I hope your day is better than mine.