Tired of sympathy for abusers but not survivors mentality

I admit, this is something I fight with in myself. It's not that I want to have sympathy for them. It was brainwashed into me. Someone can consciously destroy your life for fun and you're stuck in this reactive abuse trap. Suddenly you're the "villain" for not wanting to be abused.

You're told to "turn the other cheek" or "forgive". All that high ground nonsense is worthless when the abuser doesn't put any work into changing.

In my life, there was the double standard that I was a punching bag and if I fought back or spoke up for myself, I deserved to be silenced. It creates a lot of self blame in you. Speak up, you're told you deserved it. Don't speak up, you're told you deserved it.

Being the person who sees the truth or doesn't want to be abused means you "rock the boat". You're the "problem" if you don't want to be abused or don't want others to be abused.

I've posted about this before but not all abusers come from hardship. Some of them come from privilege and entitlement and no one told them "no". Abuse is a choice. I don't really care if someone was abused and turned into an abuser either.

Not saying I'm perfect. I've been irritated by people or pushed people away but it's never been long term concentrated abuse like some people do. I've been abused but I didn't turn into an abuser. I self isolate a lot bc it's the only way to heal my nervous system. It's a conscious effort bc I don't want to be like the people who abused me.

Dealing with constant racism and social/institutional inequality doesn't help much either.

A lot of this is why I speak up for others. I had too many people stand by and watch me get abused. Or they enabled it or joined in.

I'm just tired that even when my disgust of someone is justified bc they're abusive, my brain is constantly trying to figure out reasons to justify their behavior. I'm tired of learning and figuring things out and investigating. Some people are actually just terrible and do bad things bc they choose to do so. It's not my fault but I take responsibility bc abusers forced it on me so they don't have to be responsible.