Silent T in castle

Hi. It's been a fast few months, full of mad wee adventures. I'd love to tell you about it all but it seems that opportunity has passed, which is sad, considering how much you've been on my mind. I held onto hope for as long as I could.

It's been over a year now since I met you. Full disclosure: I've had a major crush on you since the very first minute. Easily the biggest crush of my life. I can say with complete confidence that I haven't been so attracted to someone before.

Imagine my surprise when you suddenly wanted to see me, and talk to me. You caught me off-guard... I was preparing to leave for somewhere new, to give up on my dream of you (yeah I dreamt about you a couple of times, the first was sweet and kept me going for a while).

I couldn't believe that you would ever be interested in me, but the stars briefly aligned for me last summer.

You were so beautiful when we spoke one afternoon, you actually glowed. It was surreal. You were beautiful every time I saw you, you left me quite speechless. I was scared to look at you but I couldn't take my eyes off you. And the last time I saw you, well I would have told you how I felt if I'd known it would be the last time I'd see or really speak to you.

And now it's only questions that remain. Lots of soul-biting questions I'd probably rather not know the answer to, and loads of words left unspoken. A beautiful sadness, as Butters once said.

Were you ever truly interested in me? I don't think you were. The silence is deafening and has left me believing that I was just an option. I've never had such hot and cold treatment before. Every time you ghost, it hurts like hell.

It feels so strange that rather than send this to you, instead I'm posting it online for strangers to read. Maybe this is some kind of therapy, to get the words out there and know that at least someone is going to read them. What a time to be alive. Actually it's not that strange at all; when all you are is a ghost, there's not much left to say. Assumptions, wishes and regrets are all that remain. But also a couple of nice memories, so not all bad.

As sad as it is, I guess all I can do now is add these words to the long list of things I'll never get to say to you.

Take care T.