AIO for how my partner is arguing with me over our differences and boundaries

Sorry for the long post it’s just a lot of grey area.

My partner (34f) and I (29M) have been dating since around 8 months. We are different people where I’m more introverted and maybe a little geeky while she is more outgoing and has different interests. The relationship has still been exciting and we were managing well till recently where we had to be a month apart since she was travelling. After that it felt like she has had a different perspective on us not being too compatible. She said that I don’t seem too invested in what she has to say and it was also true the other way round - which was true to some extent because of complete different interests but we still had good conversations. I was happy that she communicated this being an issue and we decided to work through it and I have been more engaged and taking interests in what she likes.

However, almost every day we end up having an argument where she brings up something around the same topic even though we have been working on it. It comes around having different opinions, perspectives, etc and I was worried that she would want to end this because whenever I asked if she sees this working she just said “I don’t know”. Last night it came to the same thing of having a different opinion (mentioned below) and she just seemed really annoyed about having that and again said “I don’t know” when I asked her if she felt this is not working out. This was probably the fifth time so I told her I just want to go home and not force this anymore. After which she really held me and said she doesn’t want me to leave and that she loves me and wants to work on it. She said she is too critical about our relationship at times but very much loves me.

The argument about opinions/boundaries we had -

For context, I have brought up the topic about what relationship boundaries look like for me and her quite a few times during our initial months of dating and while she does talk about it when asked, she always tries to move away from that conversation. A couple months ago she had asked me if I talk to any of my past hookups or exes and I said I cut off all contact with them when I started seeing her because it wouldn’t be right to the relationship and she said she liked that.

Cut to last night, I had asked her if she still talks to any of her hookups and she said yes, that they had a friendship/bond even before and after that and didn’t want that to go away. Also said that she has made it very clear that she is dating. I appreciated the honesty and transparency. But when I asked her to tell me more because I feel blindsided she got really defensive on me not trusting her. When I told her that she could’ve told me she just rolled her eyes exhaling an “oh my fucking god” and that’s when I got up and walked. She followed apologising and said that she was afraid to tell me because she thought my boundaries are different and that there isn’t anything wrong here but if I would’ve asked she wouldn’t have lied. I told her I need some space for this.

I don’t know what to do. I do trust her and that she isn’t cheating on me. But she gets very defensive around any topics that question her “freedom”. She said that I talk about being open about perspectives but I seem harsh here. But I genuinely am open about it and understanding it, but it can’t be done when there is no room for a safe conversation without making it hostile. How should I be handling this?