Help! Stay or go?

My long term partner and I have had a rough patch, a four year long rough patch. I do not know what to do so I am looking for guidance and advice. I know I have to make the final decision but I am struggling. Here is a breakdown:

I (42f) and my partner (46m) have been together 20 years and have 3 teens/ young adult children, all still at home. Never married. We have had an emotional affair and hidden porn use. There is distrust on both sides. But we have been trying to work through this situation with the ultimate goal being reconciliation and reconnecting to build a better relationship.

We were also in the process of building our first home and it was a dream come true. But I couldn’t get excited about it like I should have. It felt like I was looking at someone else’s dream home go up. My partner believed that this house would solve all of our relationship problems. I felt that we would actually just be changing the problems mailing address.

I was scared and I decided to not close on the house with him. He was able to take out the mortgage on his own and proceeded to close a week after we had originally scheduled.

I rented a room and on moving day he and the kids moved to the new house and I went to the room I had rented. I stayed maybe 15 nights of the 31 that month and ended up moving into the house with him and kids. We were in therapy and all emotional affair and porn use was stopped.

However this is where we started a loop of arguments that would escalate to the point that I would be kicked out of the house. It was usually before a pay day so I would be broke and have no where to go. I got a gym membership and camped in my car for a few nights until payday hit and I would then find a furnished room for rent, get settled and then the sadness and missing my kids, my life, my dog would set in. My partner would apologize and tell me to come home and I would go home. Things would be great and then another fight would escalate and he would kick me out again.

This has gone on for a year now and I am tired of being in this loop. He kicked me out on the 27th and I was able to beg a stranger to work with me on renting a small cottage. I’ve signed the lease and get paid tomorrow and have to pay the deposit and first months rent or I can back out on a clause that’s in the lease. My partner has calmed down and wants me to come home and back out of the lease. I know that this should be an easy decision but I am torn. I don’t want to leave my kids and my partner. We both would struggle financially and that would negatively impact the kids.

I know that going back puts me in the position to get kicked out again and the wise choice is to secure myself permanent housing and then try to heal from a secure housing situation.

TLDR: partner keeps kicking me out when angry, I am currently out and have to decide between giving him another chance or proceeding on a 6 month lease.

Do I stay or do I go?