Changes

There is no apology I could ever utter than can help make this situation any better. I tried to be honest from the very beginning with everyone, but it seems my words were misconstrued or misunderstood. I was wrong about a lot, I hurt people, and I am genuinely sorry.

Going into this New Year I am making it a priority to forgive myself for my transgressions so that I can in turn forgive those who've hurt me. I have accepted the fact that there are many individuals who are committed to misunderstanding me and putting me down. At times it is warranted and others it is not. I hope you know that I am fully moved on. Despite what you may say about me to others, we both know what occurred. And the truth is that if any of you cared you wouldn't be so eager to believe lies anyways.

No, I don't believe anyone is out to get me. I also don't like socializing or unwarranted attention in the first place. I really resent you for making me out to be someone who does. I don't believe that I am special or interesting to look at. You asked me who I think I am? I think I'm the fat girl who got skinny. The trailer park girl who finally made it out and into something better. I think I care way too much about what a**holes think about me.

You were right about me believing certain people were my friends though. I am no longer going to be your circus money. I'm great, my life is great, don't ask me about anything because you don't actually care. The feeling of disappointment and disrespect is mutual.

I am giving up on defending myself or overexplaining as this all stems from people pleasing. I will never please everyone, and I honestly don't even want to. I understand more as I age that the comes from me being disingenuous. I am not always friendly and kind, and I can see how my anger can lead others to believe that I am vengeful. I'm not.

Not that anyone should ever take any advice from a lunatic like me, but please don't stay in situations or relationships that make you feel like shit. It destroys you in insidious ways that you may not even realize until years down the line. This life is hard and unfortunately no one is coming to save you. Make sure you've got your own back at the end of the day.❤️

S