DOJ Stops Release Of Epstein Files Due To Lack Of Public Interest After Venezuela Invasion

"Now that the dog has been wagged, we can all take a break," stated a lead DOJ investigator, speaking anonymously to The Onion.

"Now we can finally go home to our families without being stained by redaction ink. Do you know how hard it is to black out entire pages?" he asked, tears of joy in his eyes.