I’ve tried everything for the past 2 years, I can’t get over them

We work near so every time I drive to and from work, I think about them.

They played me very well. They made me feel small and insignificant, and didn’t need me to fix it. Every time I’d drive to and from work, I’d feel pathetic. I fought the urge to apologize to them, to get their validation back, so I could just move on but obviously that was futile. To make matters worse, they married someone else within 12 months.

I haven’t seen them in 1,5 years now. Maybe they got a baby. I can’t seem to stop torturing myself.

I’ve gone to therapy multiple times.

Once again, I wake up this morning after having a dream about them. My first thought, like every morning, was being married to them.

Important:

- I don’t want them.

- They hurt me.

- This started from shame they gave me.

- I will never accept these feelings.

- She is not and never going to be my person.

I know exactly what is going on, yet I can’t let go.

Today, I will hop into my car and drive to work again, wondering if she’ll see me or if I’ll see her.

Should I look her up to see if she still works there? Would that give me closure? I don’t think so, I would probably start to wonder if she’s thinking about me and might be shopping around my area of the city.

I just don’t know what the fuck to do at this point. This is all me. She is married someone else, if she thinks about me, it is as some sick joke from her past…

What is my problem?!