Grief

It’s been five years since the death of the dearest person to my heart overtime I kept trying to help myself and actually heal and for a while I do feel okay but suddenly out of nowhere a feeling hits me like thunder straight to my heart I feel like It’s hard to breathe and I don’t know how to cope or what to do I still wonder why heaven needed him more than I did he was supposed to see me grow up I can’t stop seeing myself when he passed away on the floor begging the world to bring him back people kept telling me time heals but time really shattered my soul Guys if u have any similar experiences js help me I can’t get over it and Ik I need to move on w my life but it’s really hard guilt and grief almost ate me i feel guilty if I go anywhere to cheer myself up