I’m tired of my father, and I don’t know if I’m wrong for feeling this way

I might get downvoted and shunned for this, but I really need to let this out.

Me and my father doesnt have a good relationship. He was absent for most of my childhood. My mother raised me. Growing up, he promised that he would take care of my college education.

When college came, that promise didn’t fully happen. There were times he made me pay for my own tuition — mine and my brother’s — around 25,000 pesos back then. I didn’t even have a job. I used my savings because I had no other choice.

I still remember asking him for fare on my way to school and being told he had no money. I’d panic and search my room for loose change, checking every corner just to get to school. After that, I’d borrow money from friends just so I could eat.

That was the point where I realized how unreliable he really was. He had years to prepare. He knew he had two kids in college. Yet nothing was saved. He even bought a car at one point, which eventually got repossessed because he couldn’t pay for it.

Because of this, I started doing assignments and capstones for my richer classmates just to survive. I’m not proud of it, but it helped me pay school expenses. Note that the allowance he gives me is 600 pesos for two weeks.

Later on, I bought a PC worth 40k pesos. I considered it an investment because my laptop couldn’t handle the workload anymore.

Eventually, he lost his job. After that, he became deeply religious — evangelizing and even traveling to other countries to spread the word. When he found out about the PC, he got angry and said I should’ve just put the money into tuition.

Fast forward: I already graduated. I had a job even before graduation because I got absorbed during my internship. Now I don’t just do capstones — I do real projects under company contracts. This year alone, I have multiple projects lined up that could easily exceed 200k.

So I bought a laptop using my own savings — something I genuinely need for client visits and work. That’s when everything exploded.

For context: I give him a portion of my salary now, and I also support my brother’s day-to-day needs. Yet all he seems to see is that there’s still not enough money for tuition.

I respect that he’s trying to change and be more religious, but it feels like faith is being used to guilt-trip instead of take responsibility.

Here is the exact message he sent me. Context: I heart-reacted to the last message in our family GC about my tita possibly getting a job in the US. Before that was his message about having an interview. I’m not the type who chats much, and I think he took that as neglect.

His message (unaltered):

I don’t hate him. I’m just exhausted.

I guess im a selfish child. i dont really care if i get down voted or anything. Maybe im really just a douche. anyways if your still here thank you