Father, psychologist, friend everything not a boyfriend

Hi everyone, I’m making this post on the advice of a friend who uses Reddit. I haven’t used Reddit in years. At the moment I (M25, Western Europe) am in a relationship with a toxic person (F23, Eastern Europe), if it can even be called a relationship. I am currently studying for a full year (and more) at a partner university in Central–Eastern Europe, as is this girl. My stay at this university should end between late July and early August; however, the problem may persist.

I have been friends with this person for quite some time, and at the beginning of November we entered into a “relationship” (there is no correct term, and you’ll understand why). One night we were drunk after a night out, it was around 3 a.m., and we went back to our dorm. We decided to drink another bottle of wine and cook some food. After a while, we had sex. People who knew us were already saying we were together, which had been somewhat true for a few months. Up to that point, I’d say I was the happiest man in the world. The next morning I went to pick her up, we had lunch, everything was fine, as were the days after. Little by little she told me she loved me, cared about me, the classic things you say to someone. No problem so far. We decided to have an open relationship, since we are young and want to experiment.

Around mid to late November, she started yelling at me over some mistakes (which can happen, of course, people make mistakes, and I don’t deny that I did). From there everything collapsed. She got angry with me every day, insulted me (I have never heard someone scream and use such words as much as she did), and used my dorm room as her personal storage. I put up with this until about the end of November, when everything really started to fall apart. From that point on, I also started getting irritated; I hadn’t gotten angry in years. I never yelled at her or attacked her, but my tone of voice changes easily. Her criticisms also targeted the way I dress and my supposed lack of romanticism (even though I’ve had three previous relationships). According to her, I had to cook, travel, pay for everything, and buy gifts. She never did anything like that for me. If I suggested something to cook, she would yell at me saying it made no sense and that she couldn’t understand me (I also speak her language, but not very well, since I have no one to practice with). If I made mistakes with recipes, she would yell at me, and so on. She also works and studies at this university. She focuses more on work than on studying, because here exams are easy and you don’t need to attend classes. She earns a good amount of money, and she’s not short on it. Her parents are middle–upper class or upper class.

 Honestly, I’ve never understood exactly what they do, and I’ve never asked. Her mother complains that she should study and not work, because they can pay for her studies. I have no problem with internships; I’ve done them too, and in my opinion they help you understand what you like or don’t like in life.She blames her constant tiredness and angry mood on work, but she doesn’t want to quit. Just to show how stupid I was: a few weeks ago I even took an exam for her, because it was a 12-page written paper and I was already working on something similar for another course. She complains that she never has time between work and everything else; however, what she actually does is stay on TikTok and Instagram. I suggested several times that we study together or at least organize the day, but she never wanted to and always got angry with me. You can imagine the rest. She spends hours on TikTok even when she’s in bed with me, watching travel videos of trips she wants to take, while I do other things because I have many courses to follow between the two universities. As always, she yells at me. At this point in the story, she starts telling me she doesn’t know what we are, that I’m a mix between a boyfriend, a friend, and an FWB. Sex has almost become a reward if I behaved well with her.

I don’t even know whether to define myself as a person anymore or as her family psychologist or her father, because sometimes I’m expected to do things a parent should do for a child, other times I have to listen to her complain for hours. I don’t have the right to do that. I also don’t have the right to be tired, according to her, because I don’t work and “only” study. Like her, I’m fortunate not to have to work, although I have worked every single summer since university started to earn extra money and not burden my parents too much.We’re now around mid/late December, when she suddenly says she would like to date and have a relationship with a woman and also keep me. I have no problem with that—everyone has their own life and relationships. However, beyond that, she takes no initiative. I even suggested dating apps or going to LGBTQ+ venues. I always suspected she might be bisexual, and that never bothered me. She also has an obsession with a couple, a guy and a girl. She had gone out with this guy, but they were never together. He ran away (she complained that men always run away from her for some reason). Since then, she does nothing but stalk them, and he does the same with her. Now my “girlfriend” also has a feud with 4–5 other girls for no real reason, because she thinks there’s a conspiracy against her, because someone stole things from the kitchen. I had told her many times not to leave her stuff there. Let’s move to the end of 2025 and the present.

I go back to my country and she goes back to hers for the winter holidays. At first I miss her, but over time, and with every conversation we have, I start to realize how absurd this situation is. I even gave her the keys to my room. I thought that with winter things would calm down, but they got worse. I called her several times, and every time she yelled at me because I said something she didn’t like or contradicted her (which also happened in the past).She has a real superiority complex over everyone and everywhere. Places she doesn’t like, basically all cities with fewer than about 300,000 inhabitants, are “villages.” Food she doesn’t like is “food for peasants,” and people she doesn’t like are ignorant peasants who should serve her. She described the traditional food of my country as disgusting poor-peasant food, not worthy of her tastes. I know her parents have always treated her with kid gloves, since she’s an only child (no siblings). As a child they gave her flowers every week or every 4–5 days, to the point that she openly said to me that people without money should never be in a relationship, because poor people should stay alone forever.

At the moment, I’m also in the middle of a conflict between her and a friend of mine because she wants my friend’s room. My friend is leaving the accommodation this semester and wants to hand it over only at the end, completing all the paperwork properly. My “girlfriend,” however, doesn’t want that because she’s a busy person who works, so she believes she has priority over everything and everyone. Right now I have an unread message from her from a few hours ago. She was reminding me about the room and also about a trip we were supposed to take for Valentine’s Day that I haven’t organized yet. I told her several times that I would organize it after the exam I have tomorrow (I have two exams left before graduating and I have to draft a PhD project). The last time, three days ago, I talked to her because she wants to study in my country, and she got angry because she didn’t understand how the system works, even though I had explained it several times. She blamed me, saying I can’t speak or explain things properly. I honestly don’t know what to do. On Wednesday I’m going back to this country. She also told me that I don’t care about her and that. She always represented herself a big Queen or Goddess, which nobody could arrive to. Furthermore, she got mad on me if I would take even wrong a photo or anything, I was also her social media manager and we stayed even hours to even post something, if she would even do it in the end. She said she wants to quit the reels and she can’t she stays until 3-4 in the night. She wakes up at 13-14 and complains only.

I’m just using her as storage (for what, I don’t know) and nothing else. A week ago she also told me she doesn’t know what we are. I’m a romantic person, but honestly I don’t feel like wasting more strength and energy. After that message, I had a panic attack, I was shaking, and that hadn’t happened to me in years. On her suggestion, I also watched videos about how to be in a healthy relationship. I did. All the videos I watched were about what to look for in a partner and how to understand if they’re the right one. This doesn’t seem like the right partner for me. I’m mentally exhausted, between studying, her, the PhD project, the work I do (which, according to her, isn’t real work because it’s an NGO), and much more.

PS: I translated this message with ChatGPT from my language because I completely lack the mental energy to write it in English. Sorry if it sounds strange.