Seeking support after 6 years of D-Days.

I am a longtime lurker of this sub but finally decided to post. My husband (30) and I (31) have been together for 7 years (dated for 4, married for 3). I discovered his porn usage after the first year, and like many on this sub, hoped that the first D-Day would be the last. Fast forward 6 years, and I’ve lost count of how many D-Days have occurred. Last night was the most recent—I woke up alone in bed after midnight and discovered my husband in our living room masturbating with his phone in one hand and a napkin at the ready in his lap. He stammered his way through one excuse after another before finally admitting the truth. I used to feel so angry after a discovery, but last night was the first time I’ve ever felt numb.

We’ve been going to couples’ therapy for 4 years and individual therapy for 2. Every D-Day he cries and begs me to stay, promising that he will change and work on recovery. We typically get through a few months without incident before something happens again. I’m just so tired. Porn has always been a huge issue in relationships for me, and my husband knows this. My father had Parkinson’s Disease that led to a sex addiction, which then led to sexual abuse and cheating that ultimately ruined my parents’ marriage and broke down our entire family. Again, I’m just so tired.

My husband’s porn usage stems from anxiety and feelings of inadequacy. He seeks it out for that dopamine release. I’m not looking for advice to divorce—we’ve been through so much together (COVID, law school, medical school, health issues, familial deaths) that I want to do whatever I can before calling it quits. We are now sleeping separately for the first time ever (duration TBD), and I plan to focus on myself by way of exercise, friends, etc. Anyone with a success story, advice or words of encouragement, please share. I’m feeling lonelier than ever going to sleep tonight.