I find myself wanting to be high or to not feel

But I can’t bring myself to be on drugs or to have sex ( 31F I’m a virgin ) our social traditions here require us to wait until marriage for sex. If we have sex beforehand and lose our hymen, then we’d die alone…

I find myself looking at those iron supplement pills. Sometimes I search if overdose can do anything…. Today is one of those days. All my coworkers were so excited that today is a day off…. And told me the news as if I was going to jump from the excitement like them. But I looked at them lazily thinking if it’s my fate. That today may be my last day…. See , I hate days off. Can’t get up from the bed. Work is the only thing that makes me leave the bed.

I have no work today. I feel so bored of this life