My hope is dwindling

Life has been a constant struggle for as long as I can remember (middle school). I grew up with a single father and instead of getting me help, I was often just belittled and gaslighted, both of which took a significant toll on mental health.

After managing to make it through college, I finally was able to seek a diagnoses for a condition I was always knew I had, Narcolepsy. At the beginning the validation that was brought on by the diagnosis, and the chance for a better life with medication, gave me some semblance of hope.

My 20s were spent on various different stimulants, all providiving benefits, but also being accompanied by side effects that ruined any hope I had for marriage and a family. Im now 31, and I am tired. I have tried every different medication and every lifestyle change. Ive called out to God so many times, but i just cant keep doing this. I know my family would be devastated but that is no longer enough for me to bare the misery that has been brought on by this condition. I am praying for a miracle but I dont see a light at the end of the tunnel anymore.