My brother

Hi all,

I'm posting in this group as to be honest I'm not so sure where to turn anymore. Any advice or words of support would be massively appreciated.

My little brother is 18 year olds, I'm 24. Growing up we could always tell that my brother was a little different to myself and his peers. It wasn't till he was 15 roughly that we finally got a diagnosis of ADHD/Autism.

My Parents would constantly be arguing with my little brother as he would really struggle to do things like studying, getting out of bed for school, trying not to procrastinate with things that needed to be done etc. I moved away for University but to be honest this stuff was to the back of my mind as I though this was something that he would grow out of fast forward to now he has dropped out of school a year early and did a year of college that he seemed to struggled to commit to.

This year I have moved back home and have finally had my eyes opened to how bad things have gotten he is not attending anything educational and does not have a job. He constantly smokes weed as he thinks it helps him and when he drinks can often get into some bad states. He is struggling to get a part time job and its really getting him down. However he does not do anything to help himself at all. I try and get him to just start with the basics like going to bed at a reasonable time (not 4am). Get up and have breakfast and medications at a decent time(not 3pm) or Eat at least 2 meals a day. Even this he really struggles with and basic everyday tasks. My parents are constantly trying to get him to do the simplest things as well like the things I have just stated (Taking meds, going to doctors, eating etc) however he will just constantly become defensive and argue with them and say some pretty nasty things to my parents who have done absolutely everything for him. They get really upset and do not deserve to have to deal with this, I'm scared for their health as they're a bit older and their mental wellbeing. They should be retired and doing nice things having worked so hard for us and it breaks my heart that they cant live that life at the moment. I am also scared of the future when they are no longer around as I am his sole sibling and the responsibility would fall on me.

He responds reasonably well to me as I can be a bit calmer and he hasn't built up this unjustified resentment to me. However even with this he still does not do the things he needs to, he will either acknowledge what I say and not put it into action or say that his autism wont let him and almost use it as an excuse. All this has led to him being a bit depressed and also quite obsessive with certain things such as his hairline.

I'm not sure what to do at this point as my parents have tried everything, if they are calm and leave him to it he will do absolutely nothing and get himself in a worse state from not eating and not taking meds and will not learn from his errors. On the other hand if they make him do these things its constant pushback. I cant stand the way he treats my parents at the moment and I am also very worried about him. I'm thinking just now that I might sit him down and give him a harsh but empathetic reality check but I am scared this may not be the right approach.

On the positive side he does go out with his friends a good bit (although I don't think they're a good influence), He has hobbies such as DJing and can organise things he wants to do like smoking and drinking and seeing his friends which gives me some hope that he will grow out of this phase of substance abuse, anxiety and obsessive behaviour and can think and do things for himself a lot better.

I'm sorry if this comes across as a rant or a bit unsympathetic to my brothers struggles I feel incredibly guilty about the way I sometimes feel about the situation as I obviously care deeply about him and worry about him myself. I'm just so upset about how things are right now.