I'm tired, so tired.

It's been more than 6 months since she broke up with me. These past 6 months have genuinly killed me inside. I've been looking at the screen for 15 minutes backspacing about 20 times becuase words can't describe the pain I went through and still go through.

I genuinly don't even know what I feel anymore either becuase I love her and crave her, but at the same time I hate her so much for abandoning me and don't see how I can ever forgive her for this.

Seeing someone who admired you, made you feel special, made you feel safe for 4+ years give up on 'us' is a feeling I can't describe and after 6 months it still feels unreal.

The moment an ex leaves you they bet against you. They put up a bet thinking they will be happier in life without you being part of it.

She won that bet.