Sexual attraction

Dont know if this is a vent neccesarially but it feels right to tag as such

Why does being demi both romanticly and sexually have to be so fucking hard at times?? Like i just relised i am 100% infatuated and pretty much in love with my best friend which i do get is a very queer thing and can be extremley confussing at times

However i cant stop imagining kissing her and wanting to give her everything i can offer her (materialistic, emotionally etc) but im terrified that the demisexual side of me isnt ready or just dosent understand if there is a sexual want bc iv never truly experienced sexual attraction, i can imagine it but havent felt it so i dont know if what im imaging is right. I also know that sexual attration can look diffrent for people so maybe im just counteracting my statment

I dont know if its just nerves or not but it lowkey pisses me off like why cant it just be more straight forward