Advice on how to support boyfriend after fellowship match failure?

Hi everyone,

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and the last year was one of the most tumultuous experiences I've been through in any relationship. He's an international medical graduate in opthalmology seeking licensure in the States. For the last year, he's been studying for Step 1 (passed) and Step 2 (excellent, competitive score). There was some strain on our relationship during the exam period, but it got so much worse during his fellowship applications due to career anxiety. He has become completely obsessed with obtaining his license to the point where I've become invisible and our relationship problems cannot be solved; the times I've brought up solutions to our communication issues have been completely shut down because of "stress." We celebrated none of the holidays last year and he even forgot my birthday. This isn't to shame him but to give context as to how much this experience has been affecting him mentally.

After submitting applications, he was offered interviews at 9 locations-- 3 of them being top 10 programs. I traveled with him to multiple states as he attended some of these in person. He was already showing major signs of depression then, and I did my best to be there for him understanding the competitive nature of his field. On Match Day however, to both of our shock--he matched nowhere.

Since then, (Dec 16th) he has completely shut down. He's burying himself in work and studying for Step 3. He doesn't call me anymore, and when he does he rushes me off the phone to go study for his exam. He barely messages me, and we go days without talking. We're long distance.

I can't help but feel like this relationship is dying in silence. I'm not sure what to do except to let it. I've sent some messages in the last few days letting him know that I'm here if he needs to talk, but haven't pushed it, understanding that he needs space right now. Your perspectives would be greatly appreciated in helping me understand the level of grief/shame that he's dealing with, whether this stage lasts indefinitely, and what, if anything, I can do to support him.