F19, never dated, and feeling really lost

Hi

I’m 19 and I’ve never dated. Like at all. I’ve never had a boyfriend, never held hands, never kissed anyone. Nothing. I’m turning 20 in July and lately I keep worrying that I won’t find the right person.

I come from a pretty strict family when it comes to dating. My mom doesn’t really mind, but my dad does. Growing up he always told me dating is bad and that most girls end up heartbroken because most guys aren’t serious. He told me to focus on myself and my future, and that if a guy ever wanted to date me, I should send him to my father first. So dating never really felt like something I was allowed to do.

I was also homeschooled most of my life, so I never really met guys in a normal way. I’ve barely had any interaction with them at all. I’ve never been on a date or gotten flowers or gifts from a guy, except from my dad. He’s always shown me love and I’ve depended on him emotionally. I also don’t work, so I don’t even have a work crush or anything.

I think a big reason I feel like this is because I have zero experience. I’m nervous about getting into a relationship because I’m afraid it won’t last and I really don’t want to get heartbroken. I know myself and I’d probably get attached really easily. Even something small like holding hands would mean a lot to me

I don’t want to date just to date. I want to really get to know someone and hopefully marry them one day. But most guys my age already have experience from high school orcollege, and that makes me feel behind. I worry I’ll end up loving him more than he loves me.

Dating apps also make me uncomfortable. Everyone seems experienced and confident, and I feel like I wouldn’t belong there. I also worry that if I tell a guy I’ve never dated before, he might see me as “new” and treat me well for the wrong reasons, or get too much control emotionally. But I don’t want to lie either

Is it weird that I want to get to know a guy first before going on a real date? Like just talking, no pressure, no romance right away. I also worry about someone being really into me at first and then slowly losing interest.

My mom says to just focus on myself and that the right person will come when it’s my time, but I feel like if I don’t put myself out there at all, how will anyone find me? I don’t partyor go clubbing either.

These thoughts have been eating at me for weeks and I don’t really know what to do.. What should I do?…