I was groomed and it is really ruining my life. Idk what to do and I need help or advice.

Hey everyone. Im making this vent on here because I have no one to talk to about this for obvious reasons and I really don't know what to do anymore. Im constantly in my head about this and it's weighing a lot on me especially while dealing with it alone. Well to start, I am 16 years old. I met this guy on TikTok when I was 15 and he was 28. And yes I know that sounds like a joke on its own already.. but that's just how it happened. I posted a video of me playing guitar and he saw it and DMed me about it. And that's how everything started. (Finishing writing this, I realize how long this is.. I will try to make a summary of this and post it in the comments)

I noticed signs that he may be disingenuine early on, but I didn't want to believe it. He made me feel like I was special and like I was an exception. He made me feel pretty and loved. Which is something that I don't feel much. So his "love' made me happy. I knew that it was weird, but he made me believe it was real. With his constant talk about how much he loved me, how he was obsessed with me, how he wanted to marry me and make me live with him. Etc. Even though he was inconsistent. So when he would make his weird comments that obviously showed his fetish towards me, it hurt me more than I believed. I ended up comparing myself to other girls my age. Thinking "If only I was as pretty as her, if only I had her body, her personality, attitude, vibe, the and this and that, then maybe he would like me better." I even eventually started wishing I was younger. Because I sensed and seen occasionally that I was likely 'too old" for him.

And when he started becoming distant with me towards the end, I wanted that even more. More than anything. I just wanted to be enough for him. And when he finally was done with me, I was hurt more than ever. He left me during one of the most vulnerable points in my life but I still blamed myself. But regardless of blaming myself, I was still so mad at him that I told his baby mama everything (yes, he has a daughter). I showed her pictures and much more. I don't know if justice was served since he's far from me and I don't know how to check.

Sorry everyone I know this is getting really long. But yea, after snitching on him.. I just constantly wished I hadn't done it. And sometimes I even miss him. My mental health has just been going downhill since then.. Ive talked to older men in the past before, but none of them have had this bad of an effect on me. Im finally realizing why people say that adults talking to minors is so dangerous.. also my thoughts.. they're so scary now.. Im genuinely becoming afraid of myself because of my exposure to this man and all of our 'relationships' irregularities.. all of his kinks and desires.. its affected me horribly. Not to mention this whole trope itself.

I hate the person ive become because of this.. so much. And I didn't even fully realize how much this has hurt me until I started Pretty Little Liars recently. (Yes I know this sounds like a troll post now.. but im being serious) The teacher and student relationship has triggered me so much.. my mental health was already bad and I watch shows and movies to cope with life.. but it's just made things worse. I have had 2 failed su**ide attempts just since I started this show. I can't help but cry and feel so much anger and hatred towards both the teacher and Aria. I didn't know how much he hurt me until this show... I hate what he did to me. And I don't know how to be normal again now. I just don't know what to do anymore. Im drowning in my thoughts. Im sorry this is so long everyone..