I (M 26) have a few questions that have come up with my (F 22) partner

I will preface this with some things about myself just to help with clarity and context.

I M(26) is a bit of an over thinker and can be quite defensive and not the best partner. Between that and not being at the best place in life which I will say does not excuse me being shitty in anyway, shape or form. I can withdraw my emotions and bottle things pretty badly. As well as come off as brutal with my honesty. All of which I am working on and taking the steps to try and improve.

1. My partner F(22) does confuse me with a few issues she has brought up and im struggling a bit as to what to do about it all. She has said about me doing more and taking more initiative wether that be dates, financially, household jobs etc. But when I do im knocked back and told not to do it as she will do them and that its okay she has it covered. She raised the issue that I only do things when she asks which just confuses me more. I take the initiative im knocked back and do less. She asks me to do more but im only doing it because she asks in her eyes and stops me. I just dont know what else to do or where else to go with things.

2. As ive seen multiple posts with these sorts of things all varied but same general thing of "im not her type but she still chooses to be with me". A bit more context to this would be she wants someone to take care of her financially so she can be a stay at home partner or more old fashioned as she puts it. She has men from her past she can easily contact and make that more of a reality which just honestly makes me wonder why me? I dont know if its insecurities, overthinking or something else entirely? I just woukd like some clarity if anyone has any experience with this sort of thing and what advice they can give.

3. She also wants to be independent, which in no way do I not agree with. I try to be more supportive and caring when shes ill or having a hard time. If shes thinking about seeing friends I try to be understanding why she might not want to and be encouraging with it. I do obviously check in ask a question or two make sure shes okay and things (not who you with or why you there, more like oh who you going out with i hope you have fun or what you guys up to). Just to me it feels like opposite wants? Like to be independent but taken care of to the degree of 2. Just i dont understand it like i do what I can the best I can to give her space and let her do her own thing but also take care of her and make sure she okay when I can. Maybe its me going into all or nothing mindset? Im just so unsure wether its me doing something wrong or not understanding. Is it something on her end? As she will admit herself shes not the best at communication.

4. Shes not the most consistent with plans and wondering if anyone else is like that could provide clarity. She is quite bad for making plans with me but cancelling pretty close to execution. Wether that be plans to see each other and do things or just make time for one another. I have made plans with her and showed up to her place and go shopping etc. Get there and she will cancel either when im there or on the way to hers. If it does go through sometimes its as if she forgets im there. A bit more clarity would be like going to hers to relax together and she will be on her phone alot, taking calls with friends, texting people or just general scrolling. I can understand a quiet moment where we are enjoy each others presence and doing our own thing but when actively spending time she will take calls and things. Like by all means talk to your friends but if youve made plans with me would like for a little consideration for me taking the time to travel just to see her for a while. Its worse when we are out for a meal, she will just go on her phone and come out with random things like "I didnt know they broke up", "Shes pregnant?" Or some random news title. I will try make conversation either asking about life, friends, family or even what ever shes looking at on her phone but get short awnsers or vauge responses like oh just someone I know. It gets even worse now that I kinda gave up on it and go on my own either to improve my life jobs, emails etc. Or scroll like she does. Almost always asked why im on my phone or to put it away but she still has hers in her hand? I dont want her attention always to be on me when im around her but its getting a bit much and unsure what I should do about it? There is a massive one aswell which I have told friends about and the response didnt go too well from them.

There is more but these 4 issues are all I am comfortable sharing at the moment any and all advice would most heartedly be appreciated. If extra clarity is needed im more than happy to provide.