AIO My husband did not give me a gift on my birthday, and I'm thinking of asking for a remedial birthday present

So... I (F31) really need some outsider perspective on this because if I bring it to my friends, they'll all be on my side no matter what, and I'm hoping for something a little bit more objective.

My husband (30) has been a mixed bag with gift giving for the whole time I've known him. In the early dating stages he was really awful at gift giving; for example he'd panic and overthink, one time getting me a towel (antimicrobial! but still , it's a plain grey towel) and after I explained to him why I appreciate gifts he seemed to understand and would try to make an effort, but often he'd panic and ask me what I wanted instead, so I'd give him a list. I didn't give him a list this year.

My birthday was just before Christmas. I was WFH on the day, but he had the day off and spent most of it wrapping Christmas presents, playing games and going to the gym, and he barely spoke to me all, day I felt so lonely and ignored. He even went to buy lunch for himself but didn't offer to get anything for me. He barely acknowledged me until 7pm when it was time to go to dinner, and he took me to a lovely restaurant and we had a great time.

At the end of the meal he gave me my birthday card, but no present, and I'm thinking: why? Did he misinterpret something I asked for? What's going on? But I didn't want to ruin the mood of dinner so I brushed it off, and didn't bring it up until a few days later.

I asked him "What was my birthday present?" an he looked confused and said he'd already given it to me... In October. When he took me to a Lady Gaga concert in a different city as a surprise, since he knew she's my favourite artist.

I was honestly floored, because I honestly thought that he'd organised it as a random surprise. I even asked him at the time "Is this going to be my Christmas present or something?" because I thought it was probably quite expensive and I didn't want him to go overboard for me, and he said "maybe". So I didn't think anything of it. I was honestly shocked that it was apparently my birthday present, and he'd never told me, even when I gave him the chance to.

I felt so much heartache over this, but then it was Christmas and it was time to put my game face on for the in-laws, so I didn't say anything and instead did my best for the holiday season at his parents' house, and on Christmas day when I was opening presents I was honestly so scared to open my presents from him because I just knew I would feel disappointed. Unfortunately I was right. He got me a Bluetooth mouse, because one of the buttons on my current one isn't working - so I can see there's thought behind there, but honestly I felt so disappointed because I was really hoping for something more meaningful, especially since I didn't get a gift on my actual birthday.

I've always had my birthday and Christmas presents mashed together by my family and friends growing up, so my husband knows how important it is to me to keep these separate, but I think because I didn't get a gift on the day, I'd put my hopes into Christmas, hoping it would be better and maybe he'd be more thoughtful then. I felt more heartbroken than ever, and even more unappreciated, and also angry at myself for being so greedy and ungrateful.

I finally burst on the 27th, after celebrating Boxing Day with my family, and came clean to him how upset I was, and he didn't take it well. He was honestly so upset that he'd dropped the ball, and he felt so guilty for making me feel bad, but I just couldn't find it in myself to feel sorry for how he was feeling, because I already felt dead inside. I resented his guilt because I just wanted him to say sorry and reassure me that he loved me.

Again, I bottled this up until a few days later, and I was upset that he didn't follow up with me, or apologise until I asked him to. I burst into tears on New Years Eve, and he comforted me, but I had to explain to him that I wanted him to apologise and give me love and affection, and again I resented that, because honestly I just wanted him to figure it out himself what he needed to do to help me feel better.

But I just feel like I'm going insane with how empty I feel and I need to know if this makes sense to other people, because the thing is that he honestly isn't trying to hurt me, he's just thoughtless. I do believe that my husband loves me, and he really wanted to make up for his mistake and planned more dates after New Year's, and has been exceedingly nice to me every day by making me tea in the morning and bringing me breakfast, and doing more of the household tasks (which we normally share equally).

It just feels stupid that I still want a birthday present after all this time, when technically he's already given it to me, but I just can't re-write that knowledge in my head! To me, I received the gift of a lovely surprise concert, and nothing on my birthday, and I can't rewrite the story in my head that the concert was actually my birthday present. And I just can't stop feeling sad about it, even though I know he's sorry and he's been trying to make it up to me, but I just can't get over this feeling that I need more.

Am I overreacting? Should I actually be more grateful for everything else? Would it be so terrible if I asked him to buy me a remedial birthday present to make up for it? Is that so selfish of me?

I'm sorry for the length of this. Any thoughts are welcome.