Getting ready to go NC

So I (35f) think I’m ready to go NC. Not cold turkey, but it’s what my therapy will ideally focus on moving forward.

Brief context: I have an nmom and enabler stepdad. My sister has been NC with them since 2019 and had a baby last year. In January of 2025 my mother blew up at me for not telling her about the baby. I said it wasn’t for me to tell and also my sister specifically asked me not to. My sister (33F) is my best friend and we have been going through it with our mom together.

My mom reached out again in July 2025 (I predicted she would only go about 6 months not talking to me, I really hate being right about her all the time) and I found out they’d moved to the east coast, same as me. Not close but definitely not across the country like I prefer. I made the choice to spend Thanksgiving with them and my parents cornered me and said they knew I had lied to them for many years about being in college. (Short version: I was sick of going back to school over and over to appease them so I stopped going but struggled to be honest with them as my mom was pretty good at emotionally and financially blackmailing me. “If you don’t do X, I won’t speak to you/I’ll take your car since I bought it/you can leave the house and leave all your clothes here since I paid for them”)

On Thanksgiving I tried to leave their apartment but they wouldn’t let me. My stepdad physically blocked the door, I would have had to injure him to leave and I couldn’t do that. I stayed for the holiday and then went home. At Christmas I went to see my sister. I told my mom and she was happy for me at first, but then wouldn’t pick up the phone when I called. I decided I didn’t need that nonsense and continued living my life. On Christmas Eve my stepdad called and my mom’s only words to me were to ask if my sister would come to the phone. I said no. When I called on Christmas, no one picked up. No one texted me back. I got a single text from my stepdad on new years wishing me a happy new year.

Im tired. I’m really tired. I feel immense guilt over hurting my mom, but I’ve come to realize I can’t control what she feels. It makes me sad she can’t meet her granddaughter, but she made this situation herself. My sister doesn’t feel safe around her and I cannot blame her. At this point, neither do I. I have been called a manipulator and a loser, accused of stealing money that was given to pay for college. My therapist put it to me plainly last week: this is a love that feels exceptionally difficult to maintain, when all around me is love that feels good and easy. Love isn’t easy but it should be this painful. So I’m tired of being in pain.

How long was the NC process for some of you? Was therapy helpful? Any tips for speaking to a future therapist about it? I’ll be moving states and will need to find a new one in a few months. I want to make sure we get off on the right foot. I’m building my NC toolbox!