did I fall harder?

a couple of months ago a lets say r learned how to play a whole song for me they asked the song I liked before and the truth is I panicked and gave a song I was aware they have heard of .however they probably practiced it for weeks and perhaps told me they liked my for years but I genuinely thought it was a prank. not the song I was aware that took so much time and effort and dedication to learn and I admired it a lot.but the reason I thought it was a joke was because they bullied me too? like I mean they spilled poured water on me and stuff.. idk want to go specifics cuz I haven't told anyone how I feel cuz I'm so confused myself . like I have no idea what it's like to fall in love and stuff like (I tried watching romcoms ).to understand but after he did that referencing the piano as done after that occasion I could not stop thinking about it for MONTHS yes I had to put that in capitals cuz it felt like a whirl pool in my stomachs for months the day he played that song I couldn't sleep that night which is ik sound stupid .we are enemies on paper so after that I tried avoiding cuz what am I supposed to do and my friends also say he ain't a good person so I just repeated that to convince myself but the truth is dosent matter how bad some one is to me cuz I'm just a huge freakin empath .so u can say I always try to see other sides. anyways if he does like me it's not clear what he like? I always gave the probality it wasn't true but now I think back could the probality be wrong or I'm delulu as hell . I mean the excuse I do tell everyone on why I don't get into relationships was that I made a promise to myself I won't cuz the truth is younger me was probs a bit more mature than me in the sense that I were aware relationships take time and attention and I was scared of not respicating the same amount of more. but the question I need help is do I like him cuz I'm constantly thinking about him I probably will never meet him ever again except I did see his eyes once but I wasn't sure if it was him cuz I am bad at faces. I'm asking this question not as to ask to get in a relationship but to know more about myself and if he actually did love me I really want to apologise if I hurted him. in that sense but I probably would not be able to as I don't have the guts .writing this down feels so much better as it's more of a brain dump at 12 am so apologies for any spelling mistakes or punctuation that went horribly however do I actually deserve to ask this question cuz I never felt so confused of myself in my life and if I caught feels I don't mind taking accountability in experiencing that same pain in the sense of getting my feelings hurt as I guess that would be karma .