Loved the feedback, want opinions on if this has improved anything

Worked for an opensource project as part of a non-traditional class (no tests,no quizzes, grade depends on quality and quantity of commits)

Essentially spent the entire time getting onboarding, reviewing others PR's and giving them detailed feedback, and Sunsetted a buggy feature we had. Id like opinions on if I improved the wording and focused more on impact and metrics. Id love to get an internship this summer (not possible for FAANG but you all give the best advise)

Before the Review:
Software Developer
-Developed and tested features for [SCHOOL NAME]’s automated grading platform used by 1,000+ students and instructors

– Refactored problematic UI features, improving long-term platform stability and reducing maintenance overhead

– Led weekly stand-ups to track progress and address 15+ blockers during the development cycle

– Reviewed 25+ pull requests to ensure adherence to coding standards and detect bugs before merge

After Review:
Open Source Software Engineer
• Led deprecation of legacy theme system over 12 commits, removing 200 lines of dead code, improving user experience.

• Reviewed 20+ PRs by reproducing issues locally and providing feedback, reducing average review cycle from 5 days to 2 days

Might add a more holistic line involving daily users to give people a sense of scale but the new one i think is alot more understandable I think? gives metrics and results non-engineers care about ( UX and Review cycle times) hoping mentioning the open source part will adress the limited time frame.