Pregnant (33F), found out my partner (33M) lied about cheating, and now I feel completely alone trying to fix our relationship

I’m 33F, 10 weeks pregnant, and struggling to work out whether my relationship with my partner (33M) of about a year and a half is salvageable after discovering he has been lying to me for almost a year.

Nine months ago, I found out he cheated on me. He begged me to stay and told me it “just happened,” that it wasn’t planned, and that he regretted it. I chose to believe him and tried to forgive him. Over the past nine months, I’ve done a lot of emotional work trying to move forward, but his stories never fully made sense and something about them never sat right in my gut. I felt like I was slowly going crazy trying to reconcile my feelings with the version of events he was giving me.

About a week ago, I looked through his phone and read the messages between him and the woman he cheated on me with. What I found completely shattered the story I’d been told. The messages showed that the cheating was premeditated. He invited her over with the intention of sleeping with her. It didn’t “just happen.”

After reading the messages, I confronted him. He admitted that what I found was true, which has made it even harder to process the fact that he let me spend nine months trying to forgive a version of the truth that wasn’t real.

What’s been hardest since then isn’t just the cheating itself, but how alone I feel trying to repair the relationship. I’m the one processing, asking questions, seeking reassurance, and trying to understand how we move forward. He seems able to switch off from the conflict and act like everything is fine, while I’m stuck in the hurt. He rarely brings it up himself, hasn’t really asked how I’m doing, and hasn’t shown much initiative to repair what’s been broken. It feels like he’s hoping time will fix it without him having to engage.

I’ve been very clear about what I need, both emotionally and practically, and I’m still waiting. Even small moments have highlighted the gap. Recently, I told him I was feeling really needy and asked him to hold me. He stayed on his phone, then rolled away and went to sleep. On its own it sounds small, but in the context of everything else, it felt like confirmation that my needs just aren’t a priority.

I love him, which makes this incredibly confusing. I can be angry, heartbroken, and still deeply in love at the same time. The idea of leaving while pregnant is terrifying, and part of me feels pressure to stay “for the baby.” But I also keep coming back to the idea that a child needs emotionally safe parents as much as they need stability.

Right now, it feels like I’m the only one trying to fix what he broke, and I don’t know if that’s something you can come back from.

I’m not looking for people to tell me what to do. I guess I’m asking: has anyone stayed after infidelity where the lying continued? Is it possible to rebuild trust when one person is doing most of the emotional work, or is that a sign that the relationship is already over?

Any perspective would really help.