Men Who Have Lost a Father, What Helped You?

I (F) have a younger brother (M17). His father (my stepfather) recently passed, and while he is still navigating his feelings, I want to ask, how can I help?

Here’s some background information on him. He’s a calm kid but feels a lot. His dad was really verbally abusive (I’m talking really like “you’re useless I don’t know why I still have you” or “why aren’t you making money at 12 years old” to “Your mom’s a b*tch,”) things of that sort. Basically making him feel useless. He’s been doing therapy for about two years and it’s taken a lot of work between my mom and I to get him up. My mom and his dad separated but are still married, and he’s been even more emotionally absent since. Doesn’t call on birthdays, holidays, and just straight up does not support his son even in a career aspect. It’s almost like they’re strangers and his dad resents him for being almost like my mom (80% alike between mom and son personality wise).

His father suffered a stroke, went into a coma for a few days then passed. No one from his family called to tell us he had passed. We found out through an aunt on my moms side. My brother’s dad has three kids (older) from a precious relationship. They’re all past their 30’s. When my mom found out her husband was in a coma she called and when she asked how my brothers dad was, the eldest sister hung up. She never returned the call. All 3 siblings flew to see the dad while their half brother probably didn’t even know where his dad was or what happened to him.

No one in his father’s family is supporting my brother or informing him except for partially one uncle (his dad’s brother). Other than that the family is radio silent and posting online.

The funeral arrangements have been too fast that they’re burying him within not even 3 days of his passing. We had to get special permission to receive a passport for him in time. So everything has been really really fast.

It’s ironic because while that man (his father) has been tremendously abusive to all of us, his other children are painting him as a saint to where he is clearly not. He’s celebrated in his home town, but that man was a Narcissistic abuser in nearly all the senses who if you asked me, should have gone to jail instead.

Feelings aside, I have been doing everything to be as supportive to my brother being as transparent as I can and trying to give him time. Grief is different for all of us and it’s killing me not being able to be there for him at the funeral as support (just him and his mom, I have work). My guess is that because my mom and his dad never divorced and she is still the wife (beneficiary) they wanna keep my mom/brother out of this behind their backs. His dad has a few homes and territories in their home country, but most of it is just farmland (or given to his mother, brother’s grandmother). For that family It all comes down to inheritance.

I want to be able to help build a good young man. I don’t want him to fall into any vices or bad lifestyle risks so what as his sister can I do? I’m almost like a mother to him as it has been my mom and I (alone) co-parenting him for a long time now. I spoke with my brother and he couldn’t care about the inheritance drama, but all I care is not setting him up for failure and assuring that he won’t hold any grudges that’ll cost him his future as he is an excellent kid. Thank you.