15 days to find somewhere to live, trying to be smart and also not be paralyzed by fear

My mom is giving me 15 days. I don’t have a formal notice yet but it would be a 15 day because we are on a month to month lease. I’ve already lived with my grandparents who made me move because they felt I’d become stagnant. I wasn’t going to college, I wasn’t working. I’d just been diagnosed with a chronic illness. That’s not to shirk responsibility, I had become stagnant and I didn’t meet their expectations with cleaning up after myself. I didn’t meet those expectations here either. My mom and I also have a terribly complicated relationship. She’s emotionally abusive, im codependent, it’s no fun but it’s not the most concerning thing right now.

My most pressing need is a place to live. I don’t have money for first and last or a security deposit. I don’t really have other family to stay with. I think my options are moving in with a stranger off the internet or moving in with my boyfriend and his family.

I’m afraid of both options. My boyfriend’s family is great and I’m sure they’d be welcoming, but I don’t feel like my boyfriend and I are in a place in our relationship for that. We are both 22. His family is very well off and id be safe and fed. So it’s feeling like that’s the better option. But I have the instinct that it’s not safe. The “it’s not safe to let a man save you”.

I also have mental health stuff. Currently, other than losing my mother and my housing, I am doing good. But I have panic disorder. I’m deathly scared of throwing up. And when I panic I cling to other people, it’s such a vulnerable state it makes me so afraid to think of that happening in front of people who aren’t family. And I don’t want to be a burden. I really don’t. I wish I could function normally and I wish I was self sufficient. I feel like a child still. I feel like I still need my mom to make sure I’m okay. I’ve made so much progress i don’t want to slide backwards. And I don’t want to do it while living with a boyfriend im not like 1000% sure I’m staying with and his family. I don’t want to do it at all.

No matter where I go I feel like I’ll be frozen in a state of fear for days. Panicking that I can’t go home, that im trapped in this place now. I’m so afraid. I also have to leave my cat with my mom. When our whole family split up 4 years ago the cats were my responsibility, my mom abandoned us. They went to a foster home that mistreated them and I had to beg my family to help get them back. One cat came with me and the other with my uncle. My cat has been with me since then, she’s been mine, cuddling me every day and she’s needed me as much as I’ve needed her. I’ve suffered so much in the last 10 years I’m so tired. I just want someone to hold me and say they’ll make sure I’m okay. I know I have to do that for myself. I fucking work for it every day. I try so hard every day to make sure I’m good and I can go to work.

I know this is so disorganized. I know no matter what this will be really hard but really important. I’m just venting and hoping someone will have some good advice.