Tired of Hurting People

I can deal with HOCD and ROCD and OCD in general (I believe). What hurts the most is entering a relationship and once the OCD kicks in, you are now putting someone else through something they didn't sign up for....

I was told by my ex that I should never date another woman if these are the thoughts I deal with...which is fair, but what a miserable life that would be.

I want to seek therapy to fix this or learn how to manage it better but I can't afford it.

I wish I could just be normal. I feel like Im a good partner but my thoughts get the best of me and fill me with guilt and then I tend to push someone away.