23F high earner: partner changed after my salary increase – am I overthinking?

Hi all, I know I don’t quite meet the criteria to be a HENRIETTA, but I’m hoping this sub is still a good place to get perspectives from people who’ve navigated similar situations.

I’m 23, about 8 months out of uni, earning £52k + roughly £8k bonus. I’m very focused on making the most of these early years to build financial security while I can still live fairly simply. In the last 8 months I’ve managed to save £15,000 towards a future house deposit, which I’m really proud of and would love to keep working towards.

I’ve been with my partner for just over a year. When we first met, he was very thoughtful and made a lot of effort with dates and planning. He earns around £30k. Since I started my grad job, he’s been keen for us to buy a house together, which is where I’ve started feeling quite conflicted.

I’m very aware that many couples split bills in proportion to income, and I don’t think that’s unreasonable in principle. My hesitation comes from the overall picture. In the same period that I’ve saved £15k, he hasn’t managed to save anything and often dips into his overdraft. We don’t really go on dates or holidays anymore, and when we do go out I usually pay or we split things evenly.

I’m currently living with him at his parents’ house because he doesn’t want to live apart. This means I’m spending around £700 a month commuting into London and roughly 6 hours a day travelling. On top of that, I cover most of the day-to-day things around the house (cooking, cleaning, washing, etc.), as he prefers a more “traditional” setup.

He’s suggested that I’d put down the deposit if we bought somewhere together and contribute more towards ongoing costs. I don’t necessarily mind contributing more where it feels fair, but I’m struggling because we don’t seem to share the same financial goals or approach to saving, and it makes me nervous about tying myself into something long-term.

I do really like him, and we get along well, which is why I’m finding this so difficult. I’m just not sure whether I’m being overly fussy or risk-averse, or whether this is a genuine mismatch in values that I shouldn’t ignore.

I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s been in a similar position or has thoughts on how to think this through more clearly.