broke up with an avoidant

hey guys, so i’m reaching out because this is something i’ve been struggling with for weeks. So i was dating this guy for 8 months and things were great. we got along very well, we both communicated that we liked each other, we talked ALL day everyday, and saw each other every single weekend for the entire time. around the 4 month mark, we defined what we were, to which he said something along the lines of “i really like you and i’m open to building a relationship.” i agreed, because i really did like him.

but, then we got to the 8 month mark and it all went downhill… kinda. i remember i had just gotten back from his place and went on tinder to show my friend something (an old chat with an ex for giggles). the universe took this opportunity to open my eyes, as he was the FIRST profile to pop up when i opened the app. I grieved for a week while still talking to him (i didn’t confront him as i was thinking of the best way to do so before i saw him again). when the day came, i made the decision to send him a vague text,

“i'm glad you had a good new year! i've been doing some thinking and want to be honest. I've really enjoyed our time together, but I'm realizing we're just not on the same page anymore. i think it's best for me to take a step back but i truly wish you nothing but the best <3”

he just replied basically saying “i totally understand where you’re coming from, I’m grateful of our time together and ill always have your back no matter what.

i went a few days without responding and then unfortunately got drunk by day 6 of NC and sent him another message and this is how the convo went:

me: “hey, i just wanted to clarify something, stepping back wasn't about how i felt about you, but about needing more commitment. i really value what we had, and this isn't something you have to respond to if you don't want to, but i just wanted to say that for my own peace of mind”

him: “I appreciate that and I understand where you're coming from, I wish I could have changed a lot of things to help with that and I'm sorry for that. I really do like you and again I think you're an amazing person and wouldn't want you to think anything less than that for yourself. I also value the time we had and I'm just glad I was able to meet ya, and I want you to know no matter what if ya need anything I will still be here for you!”

me: “i wish things could've been a bit different too, and i understand where you're coming from. my message wasn't about blame, it was really about my own clarity, as someone who doesn't like to leave things unsaid. again, i really do like you too and i'm grateful for everything. i respect whatever you feel is best and where you're at right now, i just wanted to be honest about where i was coming from.”

him: “I really do appreciate you being open with me it does mean a lot”

and that’s where it ended. now i’m not dumb, and i can take a hint and understand that he was closing the door. but the next day i found him on hinge seeking out a “long term relationship” and i am in absolute peril rn LMFAO like what ???????

eight months down the drain and he’s totally okay with that.