Couldn't remember my whole childhood for like 15 years, now having constant flashbacks

I treated my childhood self as a compete another person and now that I'm in safety, I fucking remember every bits and pieces of it. Everything. They're coming like fucking waves every single day. My mind just "FLASH! Here's another memory!", "Another memory!". And they come like mixes with the family abuse, so I remember those too! And it doesn't stop!

I don't know how to fucking function every day because flashbacks keep my company like 70% of my time🥰

Everything triggers: smells, music, movement, absolutely everything. I was cooking a fucking stewed cabbage when I ended up in that fucking kitchen when I was 4 or something. Then I was listening to some music and a song teleported me to the kitchen table with the black radio and those cookies with tea with sugar I used to eat and drink in the evening in the corner of the table after a dance studio. Today I was crying when the ice rink turned on the song I listened to when I was 12 depressed sitting on my head with lights turn off and writing a story. I feel like I get teleported to the memories. I'm really tired of it