Don’t know if this is a toxic workplace?

Basically ever since I started this new job, I’ve slowly become more miserable. I’m utterly depressed and don’t feel like myself anymore and don’t know what to do.

It all started in May, when I had been working hard to impress her and tiring myself out, on a 1:1 call she said I seemed distracted, I talk too much, and she’s noticed I’m on my phone a lot. The thing is I am never on my phone, I know better, occasionally I might reply to an important message from my mother, or my landlord. But she says other people have flagged it to her too. These people that have done so are always taking personal calls all the time.

I got really upset by her comments, especially by the comment of being distracted when I am super super focused person. And also about being chatty has upset me, because I have social anxiety and recently have felt a bit more confident in myself to be more chatty but I know when to stop. My manager on the other hand talks and talks and talks

I worked on my targets, so I don’t go on my phone at all now at work. I don’t chat at work, I don’t want to be reported again. And I’m so focused and I’m outputting things all the time.

More recently she’s started asking for constant updates when working from home, what I’m working on, how long it took me. She’s got this new thing about me ‘struggling on tasks for hours and not reaching out.’ I’m an analyst and always considered myself capable and I never ‘struggle.’ I work more independently but if I ever encounter issues, I do ask questions but always made to feel stupid when doing so. Like ‘don’t you already know how to do that.’ Often I get messages like ‘I thought you were working on that yesterday?’ And ‘you don’t complete tasks with a matter of urgency.’

It’s made me stop enjoying my job and I feel anxious all the time. I’ve started to make very little mistakes and typos and she’s picked up on that. I don’t know how but I get scared to send off work to her so I check and check and check it, but still manage to make little errors. And now she’s setting me targets to check the work I send to her.

There’s another manager in the team and they are always whispering in the office about other people and I don’t like it.

Anyway, for the last month I’ve been working on doing analytics for a very disorganised programme of work. The manager I have been working with is scatter brained, constantly changing the goalposts with what I’m doing. It’s been a difficult frustrating project but I finally finished today.

Yesterday one of the managers called me as she was a little worried about something about this work. I have a medical condition which requires me to sort myself out, and have to be undressed at the time, so I replied to her give me 5 minutes if that’s ok. She calls me in 5 minutes but I’m still not dressed so I ask her if I can keep my camera off as I’m ’not ready.’ I didn’t think anything of it

Until a call with my manager today where she questioned my professionalism with what I said to the other manager, said ‘if you’re working from home you should be up and ready dressed no excuses.’ She said ‘you need to think about the way that you come across to others.’ She also said that she really is concerned I don’t ask for help after this recent project even though I kept her in the loop. She commented on some typos in a presentation I had made when I already told her I needed a bit more time to check it.

She even said ‘I’m a little concerned by your Microsoft excel skills as earlier you said you had to resend mark the workbook because you spotted a formula that needed readjusting.’ ‘I guess what I’m getting at is in your interview, you performed poorly on the excel test.’ I did perform poorly because I strangely thought after a few months off that I would remember excel in a test, turns out my mind went blank and I completely forgot to use a pivot table. Prior to that I was an analyst in Microsoft excel for 4 years. People come to me all the time for excel troubleshooting. I explained that to her and she said ‘well that’s just the impression I get now and from your interview a year ago.’

I had zero praise for the work I have done and I was left in tears. I don’t know if I am just a useless worker, but I’m feeling completely burnt out, I’ve neglected friendships now as I am feeling low too.

I’m trying to work harder and harder but I just can’t impress anyone and now other managers are gossiping about me to my manager