Gained 5 pounds in a week

I have gained 5 pounds from binging and purging this week. I hate myself so, so much. My throat has been numb, and it's become difficult to induce vomiting. When I can, much less comes up that what used to come up. You'd think that this would drive me to stop, but no. I keep binging and semi-successfully purging. I am gaining weight and I feel like shit. I guess this is what I get for not being able to stop fucking eating, but I still feel so frustrated and upset. I know that in order to regain any semblance of throat sensitivity, I must stop even trying to purge, but I can't stop binging. This is hell.