Prioritising my boundaries meant losing a friend, but I finally found my voice.

Being shy and introverted, I have always struggled to say "no" to people I know. Let’s call this guy X. He has been a friend for 10 years, and I used to help him with various projects using my professional skills. He moved to the EU before COVID and returned this week, expecting me to help him out again. Even though he was offering to pay only one-third of my usual rate, I agreed because of our long history. My contribution was only supposed to take one day, so I didn't mind. However, a few days ago, he started demanding more, asking for input on tasks that were not part of my role. I felt uncomfortable, especially with him texting me at 2:00 AM and early in the morning, but I didn't say anything initially; I just replied whenever I felt like it.

The day before the date of the project, I went with him to do Reiki at the project location (again, this was extra work and not my responsibility). I got home late, went to the gym after 4:00 PM, had my first meal of the day, and took a nap. He wanted me to meet the team, but I declined as the timing didn't work for me. While I was still napping, I suddenly heard his voice—he was at my place, bitching about me to someone else.

He was saying things like how I had changed, how I’d gotten "dull" in my work, and that I wasn't putting in much effort. He even mentioned he should have asked someone else to do the job. I was furious, but I stayed quiet in the moment. When I finally went out to meet him, I started countering his points, clearly stating what I could do and what I was not supposed to do. I could tell he wasn't expecting me to stand my ground.

We agreed to meet the next day at a specific time. I waited, but I didn't get a text from him until two hours after the agreed time, asking to start four hours later than planned. I told him, "I have to see if that time works. We can’t achieve what you’re expecting within that limited timeframe." He pushed back, saying we had to be "aligned with the rest of the people," as if my time didn't matter at all. When he started blaming me for things, I finally had enough. I said, "If you were any other client, I would have refused to do this work."

He got offended and replied, "If you don't want to do it, you can just skip it," clearly trying to make me feel guilty. I simply said, "Okay, find someone else. I also have things to do." This was such a reviver! 😅