I was right about something I was overthinking about and asked her about 23F and 21F

we’ve been together almost 3 years now.

So back in august my gf and her mom found this guys mom on Facebook that she used to be friends with, and apparently her mom took him in for awhile because he got kicked out and bad living situations.

They started texting and she openly told me what they would talk about just catching up in life and stuff but he definitely seemed like way more interested than just a friend. And her mom was like obsessed with him, call him her other son, they talked on the phone for hours and stuff.

So I honestly asked my gf: “did he have feelings for you in the past or did you guys have something together?” And her response was “no, not that I know of, I mean lots of guys had like little crushes on me in middle school” and I just got a little upset and I just ended up letting it go.

But then one day I was on her iPad and I noticed calls between them that were NOT on her phone. So she must’ve deleted them. Mind you, we live together so they had to have talked while she was at work or on the way home or something I don’t know. Point is she deleted the calls. I also glanced at one point and saw the guys texts were on do not disturb. For like a whole month I was so anxious and overthinking things and she knew that.

Fast forward to last night, she was just on Facebook messenger and his name showed up and I was like wait a minute what’s that?! And she said that’s from when I was looking for his account. (it was) but I decided to ask her “what ever happened to him” and her response was “I stopped talking to him after you got upset about it” and I said “can I ask one thing? Did he admit feelings to you ever” and she said “yes I told you that, he did and then I stopped talking to him after that”

She never told me that. I would know if she told me that. So then I asked if they ever talked on the phone and she said “yes just to like catch up and stuff.” And I started saying like see you did not tell me that and you knew I was anxious you knew I was worried and I WAS RIGHT ABOUT HIM. She just got defensive and said something like “why does it matter? I blocked him, I stopped talking to him.” I said “it matters because I asked if he had feelings for you and you told me that you would always tell me if anyone ever said anything like that to you, and you’re saying you stopped talking to him then but no you didn’t because you told me he didn’t have feelings for you then, it was AFTER that conversation”

She just kept saying why does it matter, I blocked him, why are you upset at me though, etc.

Am I the problem? Please be honest. I need help figuring out how to let this go, or how to calmly talk to her without her feeling like I’m mad or blaming her. I just want her to take accountability am I asking for too much?