A situation so fucked

F28 ready to file for divorce from my M30 husband immediately. I have been verbally, mentally, and emotionally, sexually abused for a long 7 years. I’m seeing damaging effects of his constant hatefulness in our children and how they treat others, especially their learned disrespect towards me. I finally lost it, and I am done.

I have been planning to leave him and have been researching attys, apartments, local resources etc. as I do not have any local family. Unfortunately, I lost my job during Covid and some of our bills went unpaid. I had two babies and we never paid the bills for the delivery or my sterilization because obviously we’re paying out the ass for daycare now. Life came at us fast and hard to say the least. I filed personal ch 13 bankruptcy as most of the debt was from before we were legally married, but his income put us over the limit for a 7. So now not only can I not get an apartment because I filed bankruptcy, I have ZERO disposable income to even try to get one, or an attorney for any of this. Cherry on top? My vehicle blew up and now I have no way to get to work or my 3 kids to daycare. Public transportation is not available in our rural area. Car is in the bankruptcy so best I can do is surrender it. Doubt anyone would lend to me given I can’t get an apartment. Again, no family support here so no handouts or help.

But I swear to god, if I continue to live like this, I am going to lose my fucking mind. I can’t continue to walk on eggshells and allow him to walk all over ME. But what the fuck am I supposed to do right now? I have no one. I have nothing. And you know what? I’m not going to ask for anything, I just want it to be over. Sorry for the rant. Think I’m going to explode.