quitting for a 3rd time

tomorrow i am jumping off and taking my last dose, this will be my 3rd time quitting, starting taking kratom in may 2025. i quit once in may 2024 that lasted for about a month, then quit again in september 2024 and also that lasted about a month and have been taking it since then

i have only used regular powder kratom, no 7oh, no extracts. about 25-35gpd. i tapered to about 15gpd but i dont have the willpower to continue tapering so im jumping off tomorrow.

i have a new job since the last time i quit and kratom really helped me turn into a workhorse there but i cant see a future where i move up at this job while continuing to take kratom. i am also going on a trip in february and want to not be using kratom then.

i feel this time around this past year of use, it has drastically effected my memory and vision, i need to stop using this stuff. it has completely turned on me and i have not been enjoying using it the past couple months, i feel numb and disinterested in almost everything. i even feel like it has effected my communication skills and anxiety worse.

i am motivated. i remember how exciting music was like 5 days after quitting the first time i got off kratom

tomorrow im driving to vegas and spending a couple days in my own hotel to sweat it out. took some time off work, dont have to worry about work or family. the worst part for me when i quit the last two times was just laying in bed and scrolling on my phone made things 20x worse, but when i found something to do it made things more manageable. which is why im going to vegas, ill be able to finds things to do and try to take my mind off things and get away from everyone and get some alone time finally.

im not sure if ill take my last dose tonight or tomorrow morning before the drive but i have some liposmal vitamin c which has helped in the past, a prescribed anxiety and sleep medication, and also some magnesium to try to help this time around too. it will suck but if i keep myself busy it wont be that bad like the last two times. just wanted to get this all off my chest in preparation. thanks for reading. i am ready to get off this shit