living the lifestyle of a muslim but my heart isn’t fully convinced

hi everyone,

i’ve posted on this reddit before and i’m happy to say that i’m doing a lot better since. i struggled a lot with accepting certain things in islam and since then ive been able to accept more things and understand it more. however, even though ive been praying more and remembering Allah more, i can’t help but still not feel fully connected.

I would be happy to live a lifestyle as a muslim, but, i want to have blind faith. I keep having some slight doubt of not truly believing or not 1000% knowing what happens when we die. I want to actually fully believe and truly be afraid of Allah. Not only be afraid, I want to have more unconditional love for him.

I’m afraid that i’ll just go on like this forever and i really hope i don’t get punished for it. I was very close to leaving islam in 2023 and thankfully i stayed. But my heart is still disconnected and im not sure how to fix this.

Another problem is I do want to wear hijab, yet i just don’t feel the fear or the urgency to wear it because im not fully convinced.

Anywaysss hoping for some advice or if anyone feels the same.