It’s been 200+ days since d-day. I feel the same

So my boyfriend is a PA who actually goes to therapy for it and takes full accountability. He seems to be doing better. He’s been consistently transparent and I’m trying to heal from all of the patterns that our relationship has, including the ones not even related to porn. And so is he. It seems promising, hes doing all the right things, but why do i still feel so weak and worthless? I’m trying to feel pretty around him again, and he is trying to help with that as well. But now whenever he compliments me, it feels like hes doing it out of pity, to help me heal, not because he actually likes my body. I want to be the only option, not just something he settled for. I dont even want to base my self worth and worth in this relationship on my body and the way my body is perceived. I never signed up for this. I think my view on the world will never change, no matter how much i heal. It feels like i have gained realization into way more than i should. I am constantly hyper aware of the male gaze and sexualization. I feel unsafe around men and see women as dangerous competitors, even though i know its not their fault. I feel so so guilty for it as well, because i see myself like a girls girl. I dont feel like myself anymore. It’s especially painful because the betrayal included his and my own friends. I dont think I’ll ever be able to go to the pool or beach, or not have a fearful reaction when i see my friends and his friends from our university that he used for his addiction. I am dreading summer to come again. I’m only 22 and i am forever scarred. Yeah hes doing better now but im the one who will forever be scarred. He isn’t. This is so unfair.

How do i even change my worldview? Is that even possible? I dont even want to make any female friendships, and im losing the ones i already have. It’s so painful and i feel stuck