I want to do it simply because I hate the way I look

I want to punish myself for not looking the way I want or what people want. For not looking pretty or perfect enough. For not being as feminine as possible like other girls are. I always get the urge to. It’s frustrating. I get so angry at my face and body for failing me. I could’ve had a better life and be loved if my body formed correctly. I suffer from BDD (Body Dysmorphia, mainly the face). It’s literally torture everyday. My features shift, I feel alienated and sometimes out of it. Even if I didn’t have it, how could I ever love myself? I want to do it for each time I’ve been bullied and shamed. I want to do it for each time I’ve missed out on things because of it all. I know it’s unhealthy but there’s no validation or support that can really help me feel more comfortable in my body. I want to stop taking care of myself and give up on it. It’s not worth it at all if I won’t get any prettier and I’m not treated any differently. I feel like I wouldn’t want to SH as much if I didn’t feel this way. I’m tired :(