TLDR at the bottom. 

I found her pretty all of sophomore year. Whenever I walked into English class her face was the first thing I’d see. She was like a gem no one saw but me. In some cases, I would sit at the desk behind her. I wanted to talk but I didn't know what to say and I was shy. 

 

 Then one time when I was at the gym, I thought fuck it and sent her a you’re pretty message on Instagram. At the time I didn't know if it was her Instagram account. But I thought that maybe it was her. She was screaming at my message telling all her friends. Apparently, she’s had a crush on me since freshman year. She was nervous to say anything back until October of Junior year. I gave her a rose when we first met. She was all excited about it. The relationship was great. We had a few dates with each other. Had some lake scenes, some in the forest. Carried her like a husband and wife sometimes. Her dresses were pretty. Her heels were cute. She kissed me with her lipstick. Never French kissed. We didn't get that far. But she made me happy and satisfied. We spent hours on FaceTime calls and texting. 

 

 But there was one thing that was wrong. She was bisexual and read a lot of Yaoi and Yuri. For me, at the time I thought it wasn't a problem because it was her vibe. But she got disinterested in me through the next couple of months. Slowly the texts back didn't come. And a week after the new year she broke up with me with a long message saying she turned lesbian. I was kinda sad but I forced myself to move on because there was nothing I could do about it. That's someone’s decision I can’t mess with it. 

 

 Another bad part was that she had a bunch of close friends from Mexico. We live in Texas so it's common. On the surface, it didn't sound like a bad thing. But there was this one man her age that she had been in love with since childhood. She dated me because I guess I filled that empty void in her that she didn't have because of leaving him. They had never officially dated and he got a long-term girlfriend a bit of time after she left Mexico. 

 

 There were other problems with her too. In which she was depressed, cut herself, and often had suicidal thoughts. I think sometimes she had made attempts at it. The worst thing was that she also had abusive parents. She hated mental therapy vehemently. 

 

 A month into Senoir year she came back into my life again with the help of a friend. We talked and texted for long periods of time. Then came homecoming. I won homecoming king and I was very excited. I got the pictures and everything. The cherry on top was when I had just finished the pictures On the field she came up to me and kissed me on the cheek. I was shocked. My ex who was supposedly lesbian kissed me?? Before that night and months before she had been calling me kitten and whatnot. 

 

 We got back together that night and it was like a dream for me. The second relationship went from a mountain peak to a crash in only two weeks. From talking for hours on text to her wanting to do everything in her power to ruin my life. 

 

 What happened was that the week after we had started dating again she saw the man that she had been in love with since childhood. He moved into town a few days prior and even worse brought his long-term girlfriend with him. The couple was kissing and holding hands with each other in the stands at the game. She was horrified, her worst nightmare. On her Instagram stories, she was crashing out entirely. Saying things like she was gonna kill herself because of the man dating someone else. She removed me from her close friends list so I couldn't see them for obvious reasons. I saw few of them because she did post some on her other accounts that I was still on her close friends. The posts never mentioned anything about the couple so it was a mystery to me why she was distraught and going crazy. 

 

 I then tried asking what was wrong because I wanted to be good caring boyfriend. But she kept on refusing to tell me the reason why she wanted to kill herself. Eventually I convinced her into telling me and that's when I found out about the man she had loved for so long. I tried telling her to move on, but she refused too and said that she was gonna kill herself and I couldn't do anything to stop it. She said that there was nothing I could do to fulfill her love life and because of him coming into town she no longer loved me anymore. 

 

 I felt like I was used to be honest. Almost as if I was in the Cuck Chair. I loved and thought about her for almost 2 years while she’s obsessing her over another man who already had a girlfriend. She told me how she French-kissed that man, how they both cuddled next to each other in boxers and panties. That plus how she named all 5 of their future kids' names. When me and her were in the relationship she constantly told how she did not want to have kids at all. But with this man she did. Honestly after hearing that I fell out of love with her. I felt like she just took my heart for validation waiting for that man to come back into time. But in her horror that man came back with a another girl’s heart. And that she was still gonna break mine for the small chance of getting that man’s heart. To her it was either forcing her to break up with him, or waiting until she broke up with him. Or the worse option which was killing herself. It was most likely that she was gonna kill herself. 

 

 After that conversation she blocked me on all her accounts. So I did the only thing I had the power to do to stop her from killing herself. I called the suicide hotline and told the counselor about her suicidal thoughts. The day after she was absolutely furious. They got her on suicide watch and her parents sent her to therapy. Even though I knew hates therapy, it was the only thing I could do. I didn't want people at school to blame me for her death since I was her boyfriend, in which it would look I never did anything to help her out. 

 

 During that time she posted all over her Tik Tok and Instagram accounts saying she was gonna do everything in her power to ruin my life. I knew about this through one my friends who was also close friends with her. Her logic was that because I ruined her life she has the right to ruin mine. She was gonna try and get the entire cheer and dance team to go against me. But of course that never happened. She was really introverted and a lot of cheer and dance girls talked behind her back just like she does to them. But she was able to get her entire group of close friends and they messaged me long paragraphs of hate messages calling me insults. Many of them unfollowed and blocked me. 

 

 I only argued with one of them. She was calling me all insults from saying fuck you, dumbass, stupid, and so on. This was all in my first message. The only ‘insult’ I said which was directed to my ex and not her was ‘crazy’ and ‘insane’. She responded back to me all offended for saying that my ex was insane and crazy. In which she obviously was. The entire argument was her saying I shouldn't have called the suicide hotline. She was saying this for someone who actively cuts herself and oftenly expresses serious suicidal thoughts and has made literal attempts at suicide. So her argument didn't stand at all and her last message was just insults, misspelled words, horrible grammar and so on. After that she blocked me. After that convoy I realized just how mentally isolated and horrible my ex and her friend group were. 

 

 Ever since then I have always been watching my back to see if she does do something crazy to me. I’ve been paranoid since. But the paranoia just got worse this past week when my friend who was connected to her told me she unblocked me. Apparently, she did this so that she can look on my Instagram notes. So I’ve been posting less and less on my stories and close friends list. Many of her friends are on my close friends stories. And I don’t want to block them or take them off because then they’ll inform my ex about it and create excuse to get back at me with drama. And knowing that she actively cuts herself and has expressed some violent comments on me 

 That there is a small chance she may just run up to me with a knife out of nowhere. 

 So as of now I have been just trying to be around people less at school. I sit alone in some back ally at school during lunch time. During my off period I no longer use it as a study hall but rather exercise on the school track. 

 

 I have the same person who I argued with in my English class. She gives me awkward stares every now and then. 

 

 When I graduate I want to leave the United States. I don’t want to associate with anyone at school knowing that anything I say can lead to her. I also want to leave this country for obvious political reasons. I’ve though about either moving to Norway for a peaceful life or going to Ukraine to fight the war over there for my personal political and social justice reasons. I’ve always want to join the US military anyway. But I just want to do anything that’ll just make me not think about her. Even if it's fighting in a war and forgetting about my family and learning another language. Either Norweigan or Russian and Ukrainian. 

 

 

 TLDR: My mentally ill insane ex wants to ruin my life and maybe even physically harm me. I want to leave this country for personal reasons and get away from her and her friends. Even if it's forgetting about my family and my old life. 

She still haunts me. She’s stuck in my head. She still thinks about me. I fear for my life.