I feel jealous from my sister

Mention of sh I guess ‼️

I have mixed up feelings all the time and it’s effecting my life

I don’t know if I have social anxiety or depression or just jealousy sometimes I don’t wanna go outside or have a bad mood for weeks or don’t want to talk to anybody I take a long time to respond intentionally. I rarely make plans with friends because I know I will have anxiety about it the whole day. I disappoint people around me

One of the most things that bother me is that

I have a sister and i get jealous of her all the time and i feel so horrible and i feel so stupid talking about it she never includes me in conversations she gets so offended and defensive if we had an encounter every time we go outside she ruin my whole mood and when we spend time with friends, she has a way in making me feel left out she even friended one of my old toxic friends that I’m not friends with anymore and she always talks about her and I feel stupid saying anything about it I love my sister, but sometimes she make me feel like a horrible person it’s weird that in the same day we are talking and having so much fun in the next hour we’re arguing and its like there’s tension between us

And I think I have social anxiety. I’m not really good with talking to people and I don’t have much friends and this is just making everything worse. It’s not fair. I don’t know why I feel like this every time she talks I wanna rip my eyes and ears out, How can I stop this jealousy I hate that we’re not that close and I feel everything is like a competition with her and she’s winning without even trying and it’s also my fault. I compete with her in my mind all the time I hate feeling this week. I even had,i guess a panic attack a few days ago. We were in a friends house I didn’t have the best time there and I went to the bathroom. I felt normal but the next minute I was burst out crying and screaming silently and i scratched my thigh with my nails . It was a thing I used to do in my wrist back then when I was about 14, I never thought I would go back to this. I just remembered how confident and loved she is i just felt so ugly

Does anyone deal with something like that?

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I’m really sorry if you didn’t understand a thing idk how to talk about my feelings and I’m still learning English