AITA for telling my ex slurs and wishing her 💀 after I found out that she cheated on me after all, after 7months of no contact?

Problem/Goal: as the title says 😬

Context: For context, I'm 21M & my ex (29F) dated for like around a year or two. The first few months were long-distance, but we made it work. At first, everything's great. We can actually talk to each other about stuff, and communicate. Tho looking back, the age gap was a red flag. We had a talk about that. I told her that maybe I am holding her back from having the best and ideal life for her at her age esp since I was (and still am) a student, in my last yr of college, with no real foundation to start a life yet. That if she ever thinks of leaving, I wanted her to be honest. She reassured me. She said she was fine with our setup and that she wanted me and nothing else. That gave me peace and I genuinely tried to step up and give her the love and effort she deserved.

Around March, we finally met. Those days meant everything to me. Later, I found out that it wasn't the same to her. She started telling me about what she "needed". And resented me for having to verbalize those things. I mean, I get it. I should've had more initiative and should've known better. But what confused me was that she wanted completely different things than what we'd talked about before. She had always said she needed emotional safety and comfort. Suddenly, she wanted a life partner that could take care of practical things like employment, finance, and housing. I tried to keep up with that expectation while juggling my third year in a pre-med program. A few days later, she told me she wanted to end the relationship. She said things like "I'm tired of carrying this relationship." and "I need someone equal to me and you're not that". Those words destroyed me. They made me question my identity and my worth. I never blamed her for our problems, even though every time something went wrong, she gaslit me and made me feel like I was only lovable when I was convenient for her.

A few days after we broke up, I noticed a guy in my follow suggestions. They followed each other. Even before the breakup, I had noticed new interactions like that, which was unusual for her. But I ignored it. I ignored everything because I was too focused on proving my worth to her.

Fast forward to now, I came across her account and discovered that she's now dating that guy who seems older or around her age. Everything clicked. While she was tearing me down, and made me feel inadequate, she's already intending to move forward with someone else. I was furious. I drank to calm myself down, but drank too much. I tried calling her, and she didn't answer. I voice messaged her and told her cruel things like "I know you cheated, and I hope you 💀 in a miserable way. You don't deserve my good side. You never did. Even if you don't off yourself, you're dead to me". I know they crossed a line. I would never truly wish harm on someone. But that moment was the first time I felt free enough to express how much pain she caused me. For once, I didn’t swallow it. But I regret how I said it. AITA for verbalizing my feelings in that way? And is there any way for me to somehow recover my dignity? I know it was 7months ago, but everything just hurts so much.

Previous Attempts: i wanted to message her and say sorry because everything was just really on impulse. and i should've expressed it way better or none at all. but i fear, it might reopen some sort of conversations again and magagaslight na naman ako 😬