After reading all the books about John's life, one thing that never made sense to me was John’s really close relationship with his ex-girlfriend Julie Baker after marriage. Either Julie exaggerated how close they remained once he married Carolyn, or their relationship crossed boundaries most would consider inappropriate between a married man and his ex. John and Julie had known each other for seven years by the time of the wedding, so they had a past together. While their relationship wasn’t consistently romantic, John’s friend Sasha Chermayeff claimed they maintained a friends-with-benefits dynamic for many years.

Married men can have “normal” friendships with their exes, but this typically involves agreement on the wife’s part or at least a level of friendliness between the ex and the wife, right? 

**What Julie Baker has said about John after his marriage:**

* In *The Day John Died* (2000), Julie described herself as John’s *“closest confidante.”*
* She claimed John frequently turned to her during crises, usually related to his marriage.
* Julie said John invited her to his hotel room during the marriage and admitted she knew what that implied. She insisted it was “*not sex,*” saying he wanted someone to talk to, and that "*We’ve always been there for each other*.”
* She emphasized their mutual emotional reliance: *“I was always there for him. And he was always there for me.”*
* Sasha Chermayeff later referred to these visits as “*casual sexual interludes.*”
* It remains unclear whether Carolyn knew John contacted his ex after marital fights.
* Julie told C. David Heymann that John was her “*dear, dear, dear, very close friend. Our friendship was a very private, sensitive thing for me. I can’t talk about it.*" 
* She also said she was "*one of the few women outside his marriage he trusted implicitly and with whom he could explore the most intimate of privacies*.”
* She never clarified what those “intimate privacies” entailed.
* Julie later referred to herself and John as “soulmates” in a 2024 oral biography.
* How can her soulmate be her married ex?
* Julie described their relationship as “*easy, uncomplicated. We had a very special bond that throughout the years became stronger and stronger. I believe we knew we would always be there for each other.*”
* Julie also said that "*they would be friends for a long time."*

**Carolyn’s reaction to Julie:**

* Carolyn tolerated Julie until 1997, when Julie sat on John’s lap at his birthday party.
* After that incident, Julie was banned from the apartment She was no longer on friendly terms with Carolyn.
* Julie remained in contact with John about once a month and Rosemarie would would schedule their lunch dates in John's calendar.
* Rosemarie shared "*A few of John’s former girlfriends were still calling the office. He was still friends with Julie Baker. John and Julie remained friends and were in touch about once a month*."
* Photo above was from one of their lunch dates in December '98 at Afghan Kebab House.

**Accounts from John’s friends (from Sons of Camelot):**

* In 1999, John reportedly told a friend that Julie was a “*temptation*” to him and that she still had feelings for him.
* Julie had private access to John, she had his private cellphone number, his first cellphone that he bought shortly before he died.
* Gary Ginsberg recalled that during a Yankees game he attended with John the night before the crash, John called Julie on his cellphone and spoke about her, without mentioning that he had seen her twice at the Stanhope.

**John as her client:**

* In 1998, Julie worked as a sales rep for a menswear boutique called ' Seize sur Vingt'.
* John was one of her clients, despite:
   * Repeatedly receiving several ill-fitting suits, "*none of them fit*".
   * John also referred her to his friends like Gary.
* Friends, including Ed Hill, recalled:
   * John paid for the suits anyway
   * He gave them away as gifts rather than complain
   * "*John was measured for four suits, a sort of pleated-pants, three-button-jacket style that was pure late 1990s. They set him back $400 or $500 apiece. But somehow the measurements for the suit jackets were wrong. Rather than rat out the sales rep (Julie) and get her in trouble with the company, he paid the bill*"
* Was John continuing to buy ill-fitting suits from Julie as a way to keep her close without arousing suspicion from Carolyn?

**The Stanhope Hotel story**

* Julie discussed seeing John at the Stanhope in interviews with three authors—Christopher Andersen (2000), C. David Heymann (2007), and Steve Gillon (2019),—and even provided specific details about their breakfast the next morning at the hotel’s Café M: she had eggs Benedict, and he had pancakes.
* Julie told Gillon for his book that during the final months of John’s life, he reached out to her for comfort and conversation, and that she was one of the few people he would open up to about his personal issues.
*  Julie said John came over to her apartment a few weeks before he died, where the two “*hung out,*” and that he asked Julie to join him when he moved to the Stanhope. Julie did not deny this story when Gillon brought it up; in fact, she elaborated on it.
*  She described John as “conflicted” about George magazine, his marriage, and his next steps. 
* John told her he “*was scared of being alone*".
* She also said “*the biggest issue was whether he should stay with her or leave. John felt that Carolyn had stopped working on the marriage a long time ago. Why, then, should he work so hard to keep the marriage going?* "
* Julie also shared that "*John had heard from friends that Carolyn was abusing cocaine, but shedenied it.". (*why would John need his friends to tell him what his wife was doing? he lived with her!)
* in 2024, Julie backtracked all this, and said "*There is a rumor going around that I was with him at the Stanhope that night. This is not true".* 

  
Was John’s relationship with Julie appropriate for a married man given they had a romantic past?

Why did John continue seeing Julie after Carolyn clearly disapproved and banned her from the apartment?

Why did he keep her so close emotionally?

What kind of advice was he seeking from an ex who wasn’t fond of his wife?

Why does she rarely mention Carolyn in her accounts?

Why did Julie initially tell multiple authors she saw John at the Stanhope, then later deny it?

If Julie and John were truly “soulmates” and as close as she claims, why did he never pursue a serious relationship with her?

 

How close is too close? Was John’s relationship with his ex-girlfriend after marriage considered inappropriate?