How do I tell my friend I want deep and long and regulating hugs? Both of us are autistic.

We have been friends for many years but became closer since we were both diagnosed as autistic a couple years ago and have been supporting each other through all the stuff that comes with diagnosis later in life (we are both in our 40s). My feelings have deepened a lot, mostly because we have unmasked with each other so much and become each other’s safe person to talk about everything with. We are very emotionally connected.

I want our relationship to include long and regulating hugs but I don’t know how to ask for it without overwhelming us both. They once implied in an unrelated conversation that physical holding in a time of grief would be ok, and we have had short hugs as greetings so this is not completely new territory for us. But I want the physical connection of a long and deep and regulating hug that goes for a long time, like just holding each other and regulating each other. Wanting touch like this is new for me as I’m not normally a hugger, but this friend is special and different and it’s something I’d like to bring into our ‘normal’.

How do I ask without being weird or overwhelming us both? I know I want to ask face to face, not over message or phone. But even with all the emotional intimacy we already have, being this vulnerable terrifies me and I don’t want to freak them out or send myself into a shame spiral afterwards.

Any words of advice, personal experience or encouragement are welcome and appreciated.